• i haven't been on here in a while. my life has not been going the best lately. it sucks, because only one thing can change all of it and make me feel like everything is going to be okay, but i will never have that one thing, and it makes everything worse.
• i have a best friend, and for privacy purposes, her name will be Laressa. i've known Laressa since 6th grade. i met her at lunch on the first day of school. we instantly became friends, and we got to know each other better. about two weeks in, she moved. i moved about two or three weeks after her. i then went into 7th grade, and about half way through the year, she showed up at my school. i was very excited, and i was glad i got to see my friend again. we got even closer, all through the rest of middle school and now we're still close in high school. she's had two boyfriends, and neither of them were me. i liked her, but the definition of "like" is not thinking someone is cute. liking is seeing a future and believing that you will eventually fall in love with them, and most of the time, it clicks and happens the first time you meet up and hang out. obviously i've been hanging out with her for many years now, so i've had lots of time to fall in love. well, i did. both boyfriends she's had go to our school so i have to deal with seeing her with him. it's hard. but she is my true best friend, so i will suck it up and take the pain if that means i get to keep her as my bsf. i haven't been allowing other people to come into my life, because i only love yesenia. for some reason, she's what i want. and NO, not for sex purposes. i'm not your ordinary typical guy who just wants the kitty. she makes me warm with her presence, and as bad as that sounds, it's not what you think. i can be having a horrible day, and she walks up to me and it's like the sun coming through the darkest day of rain, shining on everything as if the darkness never occurred. this is gonna be cheesy, but she's my sunshine. she makes me feel lit, and brings me out of darkness. she drys my tears with the light, and allows happiness to fill it. i really love her, and ooof, if she seen this it would be interesting, but she never will.
• i've been doing a pig for my FFA chapter and to show in the fair. i'm not gonna type everything out, but long story short, she's not gaining weight right, and there's a chance i won't make it to show. at that point, i will have to show as a light weight and i won't even get half the money i've paid for the pig.
• there's someone in my life right now who's really testing my patience. i'm not going to say who in case for some odd reason they see this, but they really test me. everyday, 24/7. CONSTANTLY. and i'm done. so just know, i'm done. try me again.
^ that sounds bad. it's not s threat. i'm not crazy. just a disclaimer
• anyone, i hope anyone who's reading this right now is having a good day, because i know i'm not!
deacon,
February 12th, 2019.
