The day was January 14, Valentine's day. Jess, like most of her friends, was single. She sighed as she walked to school (or bus idc) and she thought about all the boys she had loved before. Ethan, the weird rangi kid. Alex, the,, guy (honestly what were you thinking) and Quinton, the,, big guy? (also he looks sweaty)
Anyways when she walked in she saw a boy. At first she thought it was one of those homeless crackheads, but when she got closer she saw that he had school uniform on.
"ohhhh he's african" jess thought.
"wait, is he staring at me?"
He was awkwardly leaning against a wall, attempting to look cool.
"Hewwo jessicah! i am waynard, but you can call me daddy" He said, winking at her.
She screamed and ran through the crowd of people.
Fast forward to lunch, Jess was crying because she got no roses from anyone, not even her secret crush (i think it's om).
All 0.2 of her friends were comforting her when the african crackhead she saw in the morning was staring at her again. This time he had friends (surprisingly) and they were all looking at her and whispering.
Waynard slowly but surely strutted towards Jess, slut dropping every few steps to spice it up.
"Honestly he's kinda hot" Jess whispered to her friends.
Maddie slapped her in the face.
When he FINALLY made his way to her, one of his friends played her favourite song on his phone.
(deep voice) petit cochons...
Jess squealed with delight.
Vein nerd got on one knee and stared at her big brown(?) eyes
"Jessica Wank Ham, you are the e to my thot, the butter to my peanuts, the je suis to my tres stupide"
She was shocked. No one had every said anything as romantic as that in her whole life.
"Although I come from a land down under *music switches to swedish death metal * I truly believe I love you. Jess, will you be my valentine?"
He reached into his throat and pulled out a bouquet of roses. Jess ate them, then threw her arms around him.
"òf çòûršê îłł màrrÿ ÿôû" she said.
They got on top of V's horse (some year 9) and rid off into the sunset.
THE END
BUT WAIT THERES MORE
After Jess and V dropped out of high school they moved to texas. They bought a ranch and became hillbillies, both growing moustaches. It's been 10 years since anyone's managed to talk to jess, since they have no wifi so they used a pigeon on a leash, but legend has it that if you play swedish music loud enough, you can see their shadows in the windows.
Okay i'm finished pls don't kill me
