It had never been my decision. I was never asked. I was the guilty party, the girl who's life rested in the balance of two words. Guilty. Innocent. They became like a chant in my head, becoming louder and louder.
It didn't matter which one I wanted. They were both in my head, constantly swirling in the vortex of thoughts that made up my brain. I wanted to be sucked away.
The lawyers claimed my blank face was a good thing, a 'poker' face. They said portraying emotion was weak, and almost always seemed like a last resort. That had never occured to me. It was just an instinct to turn away from the world, the hurt.
Back when I was young I remember seeing Cal's face and studying the way his eyebrows never changed, never altered from their definitive shape. Never in a thousand years would I have seen myself like him, trapped in a situation no one could save him from.
He had never scared me. Merely intimidated me. I had always been curious and bold, blunt and often full of spiteful words that bubbled from my mouth. It didn't matter what I heard about him, what people said, I was drawn to him. But I had always seen him as something else, someone who didn't quite belong in the world of romance, technology and money.
I had always seen myself as below him. He regarded the world with cold eyes that spoke of an arrogance you couldn't just adapt. But no matter what, I had always considered myself the luckier person- the one who had love and happiness at her back.
Never, would I have believed that I'd turn into him.
