Therapy [KRISTEN STEWART] (DISCONTINUED)

5

The next morning, Kristen arrived at school earlier than usual. She had to catch up on schoolwork as usual. And at home, it was impossible. So, when she had woken up too early in the morning, she took it as a sign from God that she had a chance and she couldn't blow it away. So she got up, did her morning routine in a hurry and sped up to school with her car that she had gotten for her birthday the previous month.

The school was empty, apart from the staff, when she arrived. The cafeteria was not open, so she could not get breakfast. She had to work on an empty stomach. She was fine with that. As long as her homework was done, everything would be alright, she kept on telling herself,

At the library, she found a desk and plopped her notebooks, and she was ready to begin when her when her phone vibrated. With a heavy heart, she looked at the notification and wished she hadn't. Another rival of hers had posted a photo of the competition. Like a fool, Kristen clicked on the notification and was taken straight into Instagram. The worst decision of the day. People, yet again, were talking about her. This time, they were discussing her body shape. Some wee even claiming she had an eating disorder. Kristen could not believe that the dance coach of her rival had agreed with the mean comments. What a sick person!

When the bell rang, she realized she had lost herself into the world of social media and had spent her whole spare hour staring at her phone, instead of working on her homework. And it had been not only due that day but also for the first class she had of the day! What was she going to do?

Kristen debated going to class. She had never played hooky, except for the previous day for Sunday school. But she was fully aware that her parents would find out that she had skipped class. And she didn't want to have any more problems with them.

With slow steps and her eyes on her shoes, Kristen was shambling her feet to class. She had faced yet another episode of racing heart and tightened chest while being in the bathroom. Like the previous times, she had had to handle it all by herself. Not like anyone would stop with their daily activities to acknowledge her condition and would be caring enough to help her. She was a loner. All she could do now was pray that her teacher would not ask them to hand it in. But knowing how it usually went, she knew he would.

"Move, you slowpoke!", one of her classmates called, making Kristen straighten her back and quicken to the first empty saw her eyes caught.

Like she had predicted, the teacher asked the students to hand in the homework. Kristen simply did not hand in hers and hoped she would be left unnoticed. Alas, the teacher was smart enough to see clearly that one of his students had not handed their assignment. He frowned and set eyes on the odd one out, "Kristen! Where is your homework?"

Kristen couldn't even meet her teacher's eyes, as she stuttered that she hadn't been able to do it. Better being honest rather than being caught in a lie.

The teacher squeezed his mouth in a thin line, holding back anger. "Black mark. Never let it repeat, got it?"

Kristen nodded, feeling humiliated. She hadn't behaved like a mature sixteen-year-old. She had to have known better than to worry about what random literal children were writing about her on the internet. At the same time, how could she not worry? What if her classmates stumbled across these posts and made fun of her? If they knew how to behave, they wouldn't, she was sure of it.

She could hear her classmates chuckling. Another thing she had noticed was that no one had sat next to her on the shared desk. She was alone. Was that on purpose?

Her classmates were gossiping how they had seen her with her phone at the library and did not forget to "casually" mention it, which made the teacher even angrier. He was already planning how to punish Kristen. If only he knew her side of the story.

Later the same day, when she had been at dance class, Kristen had accidentally forgotten to tie her hair and had earned a scolding as well as she had been forced to face the humiliation of doing push-ups in front of her teammates. She was barely holding tears, while doing them, thinking she should have paid more attention. Throughout the whole rehearsal, she had been so worked up about her homework, she had been completely unable to focus on the routine they were learning for Nationals.

After class, Kristen had been asked to stay. She knew what she had done wrong, so she braced herself for what she was about to hear and she knew it was going to be awful:

"Listen, cut it with the attitude. Got it? I don't want you to turn into some sort of a diva!"

Kristen nodded with a blank face and not quite wanting to, she joined her teammates, while they were in the other studio, practising their turns.

Kristen could sense things were changing. Ever since the preparation for the previous competition and the start of the panic attacks the previous weekend, she had started to lose her passion for playing instruments and dancing. The only activities she seemed to be enjoying these days were listening to music and staying up late to write stories. That, for her, was her only escape from everything.