Still Holding On (Jenlisa)

Chapter 13

Jennie's POV

I suppose I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was when she almost said it. I had been feeling it for quite some time now. I couldn't say it though.

It was never going to happen for us. The more I tried to push her away, the tighter she held on. I was consumed with guilt, yet here I was, laying in her arms. I was slowly breaking down and I don't think she realised it. Jin certainly didn't.

I sighed as I thought about him. I wished that he could just catch us and put me out of my misery. This was not who I was. I felt like I was living someone else's life.

"Lisa" I whispered when I felt her stir. "We really need to talk" I said to her.

"What's on your mind Nini?" She asked, her voice raspy from sleep.

"This hurts too much" I said, my voice cracking.

"I know" She grumbled.

"Do you? Because some times I feel like you're oblivious to what we are actually doing"

"Nini, I'm not oblivious to anything. I realise that we are having an affair okay? I'm not fucking brain dead" She said, her tone short.

"How are you okay with this?" I asked.

"It's simple, I lov.." She sighed as she stopped herself from saying it. "I care about you Jen" She said.

"We are seriously getting deeper into a mess that we may never be able to clean up" I said.

"Why stop now Jen?" She asked annoyed. "The damage is done"

"Lisa..."

"I'm not gonna let you go Jennie. Period. End of story" She stated, her tone completely serious. "So just stop"

I sighed and sat up. "You need to get ready" I said as I stood up properly and went to the front of the bus.

I needed to get away from her for a few minutes.

She really wasn't going to let me go.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, willing myself not to cry. I don't think she realised how much all this was hurting me. I wish she would stop fighting and let me go. She was so stubborn and unreasonable sometimes.

I knew what she was feeling, because I felt it too. I was in love with her. I just happened to be married, to someone else. I didn't belong to her. I belonged to him.

I sat and stared out the window. I barely noticed when she walked by to exit the bus. After a few moments, I got up and got ready. I grabbed my phone and went on to watch her perform in front of another sold out crowd.

It started to rain towards the middle of her set. I watched as the stage crew covered up some of the equipment with tarps and plastic sheeting. They gave her a thumbs up, signifying she could keep playing. I watched as she took the guitar off her shoulder and handed it to the tech.

"Are we gonna let the rain stop us?!" She yelled into the mic.

The crowd erupted as she brushed her hair out of her face.

"So, I wanted to take a few moments and play you guys a song that I love very much. I didn't write it but if you know the words, sing along. It's called Fighting" She said as the guitars and drums kicked in.

I watched and listened as the crowd sang along to every line. She was completely drenched as the sky continued to pour. Before she got to the bridge, she jumped off the stage and climbed up the barricades. I laughed as the security tried to pull her down but she fought them and slapped their hands away until they finally gave in and held her up.