Obligation (18+)

tres dies

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James left my apartment a few hours ago, leaving me to plan my day. I really want to know more about him; I feel like I'm starting to sound a bit obsessive. The thing is, when I get a client who has such a serious and interesting case as he does, I can't stop thinking about it. For a few moments, I try to think of anyone that could help me out with this and finally I manage to remember Katherine.

I mentally thank the lord that she told me yesterday that she's willing to do anything to make my job easier. Grabbing my phone, I shoot her a text, asking if she's free today. I grab some potato chips from the pantry and walk myself over to the couch and turn my tv on. Lucky for me, The Outsiders is currently on. This movie never fails to put a smile on my face. It also never fails to make me sob my eyes out. I don't think there's anything that I love more than this movie other than my family. In some ways, it's kind of like a security blanket. It gives me that sense of safety and I can watch it whenever I'm sad and it'll make me the happiest girl in the world.

Interrupting me from my thoughts, my phone buzzes. I notice a reply from Katherine telling me that she doesn't have anything planned today and I smile. I then ask her if she'd be cool with stopping by Biggby's or Panera. This time, she answers right away. Katherine says that either one would be great and I start getting myself ready.

I jog over to the shower and open the door, turning the fan on and then the shower. I then strip out of the pajamas that I had on and stare at my nude body in the slightly fogged mirror. God, do I feel completely let down. I look so out of shape. James was right about me; I definitely feel like I haven't been touched the right way in ages. I also look like I haven't either. The way that I see myself is terrible because I'm definitely not blinding myself from everything else. It's more of the fact that I don't engage in sexual activity nearly as much as he does. In fact, I haven't slept with anyone in five years, so there's that.

Once the shower is at the right temperature for my liking, I step in and I feel the water wash away my guilt. This is how it always feels to shower; just like someone is pouring holy water on me.

While massaging shampoo into my hair, I somehow manage to get it into my closed eyes. I swear out loud a few times and grab the shower curtain, covering my eyes with it. "My lord, am I stupid."

When I finally get the courage to open my eyes, I blink them a few times, attempting to cry the soapy liquid out. This only works a little and I roll my eyes, earning more stinging. The only other thing that I can think of to do is douse my eyes with the shower water.

As I stand under the shower water, I continuously think about how he's seen me practically naked. I try to convince myself that last night was a total mistake and that it was in the heat of the moment. But I know it wasn't. It was not the heat of the moment. We both wanted it and part of me thinks that James was going on autopilot and then freaked out once he realized what he was doing.

But the only bad part about that is he doesn't need to be afraid. He should know that I trust him. I believe in him. Everything that happened last night, from him texting me to him falling asleep, holding me tight. It was as if he never wanted to let me go. But at the same time, I know he's going to have to let go of me mentally. He cannot fall for me.

The only problem is, he already has.

James

I stand in the shower, staring up at the ceiling, just thinking about how much of a monster I am. How frightening I've become to people around me. I can tell how scared Cecilia is of me. I know she doesn't want to go through with me although she tells me that she does. She tells me that my addiction to sex is something I can control but it's harder than one may think. When it's this bad, no matter how hard you try, it's always going to be your last resort when you've tried everything else.