League of Legends: Short Stories

Wukong: Fast and Dumb

Fast and dumb, or slow and smart?

That's what Yi always asks me. Well, I say "asks," but it's not really a question. Not up for discussion. Not really. You can be impulsive and quick and improvisational and have fun... or you can do things Yi's way. The right way. Slow. Patient. Strategic. With a gruff, determined expression on his face, like he stepped in crap. Because he did. Because I shoved some inside his boot, thinking he'd find it funny.

He didn't.

(I did, though, so it all kinda worked out in the end.)

The really irritating thing, though: he's usually right. Through the years we've trained together, I've beaten him in combat something like...twelve times? Versus the hundreds of times he's walloped me. And every time – every single time I ate a mouthful of dirt – I knew it was because I'd gotten impatient. Took a swing I wasn't sure would land. Lunged for an opening that ended up being a trap.

And I'm not being humble. I'm good. Really good. Yi, humorless as he is, just happens to be one of the best warriors I've ever met. It's not like the guy is slow, either: he's fast. Faster than anyone I've ever seen. As in: he unsheathes his blade, then there's a blur, then three guys are bleeding on the ground. That fast.

So when he tells me to choose slow and smart over fast and dumb, I try to listen most of the time.

Keyword being "try."

And "most of the time."

We were wandering through a forest of man-high mushrooms when we heard the shouting.

In addition to cutting off the punchline of an incredible joke I'd been telling, Yi made me dive into the thick of a thistleshrub to avoid detection.

There were six of them. Five bandits and their rope-bound captive, an elderly farmer with anxious eyes.

I felt this situation called for a liberal application of hitting people in the head with my staff, but Yi held me back. He put a finger to his lips, then pointed at his eyes. Observe. Strategize. Fast and dumb, or slow and smart?

I sighed and looked over the group with a discerning eye.

Raggedy clothes hung off their hunched backs, taut with stress. They seemed to take far better care of their blades than themselves. Their eyes scanned their surroundings as they marched, on the lookout for any potential ambush. One shoved a gag into the old farmer's mouth, presumably to stop the shouting we'd just heard.

Bandits.

The old farmer collapsed to the ground. The tumble was intentional; anyone could tell that. His captors certainly did.

The leader stopped and faced the old man. "Well, that tears it," he said. "You're old, my friend, but you're not that old. Falling over every few hundred steps to stall for time? Give yourself a second to think about how you're gonna get out of this? That's an old trick. Older than you."

He squatted to the farmer's level.

"You don't really have a chestful of precious stones at home, do you?"

The old man stared at the bandit, terror slowly replacing itself with resignation.

He shook his head.

"That's a shame," the bandit said, a genial smile on his face. The kind of smile that usually leads to somebody pulling out a dagger.

"I'm gonna go save him now," I whispered to Yi.

Yi shook his head as hard as he could without rattling his goggles. I didn't have to ask why. He likely wanted one of us to sneak around them and attack from the other side of the pass, trapping them in a pincer. Or something equally cunning and time-consuming. Slow and smart.