media love // kian lawley

dialouge

"i love how you post about me right in front of me," kian laughs as he puts down his phone and looks at me

"i love how you comment on it in front of me," i laugh back, putting my phone down. 

"andrea commented on it.." he hesitated as he said her name, sending uncomfortable shivers down my spine 

"yeah i saw, she misses you i guess." i huff quietly as i prepare myself for this conversation 

"i think it's time for us to have this serious talk face to face, do you agree?" he asks, his voice sending off the same uncomfortable vibe i'm feeling 

"you already explained what happened tho," i tried my best to leave it where it was and move on but i knew kian and i knew this talk was going to happen. 

"mer, i know i fucked up really bad. what i did was so wrong and you didn't deserve it at all. i really don't know what was going on through my head when all of this happened. the only way i can really explain it is by saying that i was scared how serious we were getting. everything was perfect between us. i was happy, and i know you were too. we were so good together but it was too perfect and that's what scared me." he explained, his shoulders slumped and i could see his eyes tearing up

"why would something so good scare you so bad? why would that make you wanna do what you did and completely destroy everything." i felt myself getting worked up so i stopped myself and took a few deep breaths. 

"i was scared that something would go wrong and i'd lose you forever. so before that could happen i ruined it myself.. i never meant for this to happen. if i could go back i really would change everything. i would've told you how andrea was flirting with me and sending me not so innocent pictures. i would've told you that i knew she liked me. i would of told you all the bad things she was saying about you. i would've talked everything out with you and we would be happy.. we would be so fucking good right now, even more than before." he rambled on, his hands creating small circles in the air between me and him as he talked. 

"well you didn't kian and that's something we can never go back and change. you have to get that through your head. no matter what you say and how you explain yourself will never ease the pain you put me through. i really trusted and loved you kian. i wanted everything with you, which is weird for me to say because i've been in so many fucked up relationships that everything would've thought i'd given up. but i gave you a chance and i thought things would be different with you. but i was wrong. but i'm trying to move on from that. andrea is no longer in my life. i don't talk to her. i've deleted her number. she's not in my life. but here you are, in my life. realize what i'm doing and lets work towards something new." i explained, keeping my hands in my lap as i picked at my nails.

"i love you meredith, and i always will. from here on out we're moving forward and wherever this takes us will be great and we'll cherish every moment of it. i'll talk to you about everything that's going on and i hope you'll do the same." he extended his left arm out on the table, waiting for me to place my hand in his. 

"and i love you kian. i agree, this is where we move forward." i smiled as i put my hand in his.