Worst Behavior

08. is it right

[ 08. is it right ]
J E O N G G U K

here's a long one because i
suck at updating sorry fam

also i'll edit it later alligators (:

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Reality doesn't hit Jeongguk until he hops over the window and lands on the cool carpeting of his bedroom floor, lips still split in a wide grin from the fact that, damn, he actually just did that.

His fingers absentmindedly brush over the outline of his mouth, the feeling of Taehyung's lips on his own is unbelievable. He's acting like a teenager who just had their first kiss, which he is, his stomach full of childish giddiness and warmth. All of this is surreal to him; he didn't know kissing another boy would feel this way.

However, something feels off about his good mood when he settles himself into his bed.

The soft laughter filling the room changes into sniffles. The bright smile he wears faltering at the edges. It's not long until he realizes what he's done, and the painful reality that what he has commited is unforgivable, something he can't take back.

Jeongguk is staring at the ceiling when the first tear rolls down his cheek.

He's betrayed his parents, ignored all of his morals, tarnished his own image in giving in to temptation. He has truly sinned, and with that his heart feels heavier, the guilt weighing down on his chest. It simply crushes him, torments him, terrifies him.

Why did it feel so right then but so wrong now?

Nothing about kissing Taehyung feels right anymore. None of this is right, none of his actions are right - it's unforgivable. A boy isn't supposed to kiss a boy. A boy isn't supposed to like boys. Boys can't feel attracted to boys. Boys can't be with boys. God made sure of that, and the pain that rips at his chest surely is his punishment for sinning.

Suddenly his lips begin to burn, the essence of Taehyung on him beginning to feel like dirt has caked itself on his mouth rather than a sweet memory imprinting in his mind.

He swipes roughly at his mouth, tears stinging his eyes as droplets of salt cascade down his cheeks. Fear crawls up his throat, squeezing his lungs until his breathing quickens more rapidly.

"Shit," Jeongguk curses, the curse word bitter on his tongue. He stumbles out of bed, running to the bathroom with a nausea swirling in his stomach. He bursts past the door, hands flying to the edge of the ceramic sink, clutching the bowl tightly as he flicks on the faucet.

He washes his lips with hot water, scrubbing at the skin until it turns an irritated red and feels raw and painful. Jeongguk's sobs are drowned by the sound of rushing water, his jaw clamped tightly when the gross feeling wouldn't go away no matter how hard he scrubs.

Jeongguk cries out in pain, exhaling shakily as he shoves his fingers into his locks, tugging harshly at his scalp to rid the voice belittling him in his mind. He peers at himself in the mirror, wondering how he has allowed himself to do something too terrible, something so inhumane, and fucking wrong. He's become disgusting, indecent. To them, he's already a faggot, a monster, a gross pervert for succumbing to his temptations.