Borderline Madness

Why me?

I awake facedown on the concrete in a pool of my own blood, and I catch a glimpse of black, shadowy flames covering my body before they quickly recede. Strangely enough, my body feels fine. I get up and look around to see no one in sight. A wave of nausea hit me and I immediately hurled on the side of the street. I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand and wobbled. That had to be a dream right? It had to be. I know that it wasn't. Nobody could fall 60 plus feet onto solid concrete and have only been knocked out. I look down and realize that I'm stark naked. Was this what she meant by "complications"? I realize that I'm still holding the mystery bundle she gave me and realize that it's a black T-shirt, pants and shoes. I quickly dress while mulling over what had just happened. I catch sight of my reflection in a window of a nearby building. Man, I look like death. I'm still covered in blood, but all my wounds are healed. I let out a heavy sigh, trying hard not to fall apart. I stumble and slide down the wall of an alleyway. I cover my mouth and let out a strangled sob. Tears fill my eyes and run down my cheeks. I taste blood and salt. Waves crash against my limp body, and I don't even try to stay afloat against the tide. I try to let myself drown, but the water, heavy with salt, keeps me from sinking too far into the murky depths. When the waves finish with me, they spit me back onto solid ground, and I sit there, trembling and weak. I slowly stand, leaning against the wall. I walk slowly back to my house, the bricks in my chest weighing me down. I make it back to the house and collapse in a heap on my bed. I break down again, tearing at my hair, my skin, my clothes. I shake with silent sobs and screams. WHY?! WHY?! I scratch at my skin with my fingernails, blood rising to the surface of my skin. I slam my fist down over and over down onto my bed. WHY?! I clutch my chest as my body uncontrollably convulses, my fist in my mouth, biting down on my knuckles until I draw blood. As the convulsions stop, I feel nothing but an empty numbness. My chest is hollow, I feel nothing, nothing at all, and it's terrifying. I hate this feeling so much. My heartbeat feels as if it has slowed, everything is dulled and colorless. I get to shaky feet and make my way to the bathroom with sluggish feet. I turn on the shower and stand beneath the water, watching with unseeing eyes as bloody rivulets of water run down my body. The void within me threatens to swallow me whole, and it's getting harder to breathe. I turn off the water and I take a look at myself in the mirror. I see a twisted version of myself smiling back at me. I blink and take a step back, but whatever it was is Iong gone and all I see is my regular reflection. I sigh and rest my head on my sink. I drag myself back to my room and fall onto my mattress. I lay there for a while trying to sleep, and when I finally do, all it brings is more nightmares.

I wake from a restless terror-filled sleep to my mother shaking my shoulder with a worried look. I look up at her blank eyes. "Honey are you alright?" ".......I'm....not feeling the best." I winced at how flat my voice sounded. She eyed me with concern. "Stay there for a second dear." She rushed out of the room and when she came back she was holding a thermometer. She checked my temperature and sucked in a sharp breath. "You have a really high fever." She looked down at me once more and put a hand to my cheek. "You're so pale too." Her eyes wandered over my face, searching. "I have to go to work today sweetie, but call or text if you need anything. If your temperature gets any worse tell me so we can go get it checked out okay?" I nodded feebly, and after throwing one last concerned look over her shoulder at me, she left. I wandered to the kitchen after waiting a few moments to make sure wouldn't come back. I looked around and found until I found what I was looking for. A large knife that I knew my mother doesn't use any more and has just sat at the bottom of a drawer, forgotten. I walked into the bathroom, locked the door and stared into the mirror. I take a deep breath and then plunge the knife into my chest.

I open my eyes and find myself in a room identical to my own. I can't help the disappointed tears that fall down my cheeks. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I open the door, close it and step back into the room, feeling a black wind sweep me up in it's dark embrace.