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by larry_myShip

by larry_myShip

The past few day's went by pretty good. Of course we received strange looks and stuff like that.

It's just that niall is the whole opposite of me. I mean he is sweet, careless, happy..and then you have me: always wearing dark clothing and trying to avoid anyone's gazes. Snapping and pushing off anyone who would try to approach me.

Yeah we're just different but we do get on really well. And I'm sure Niall isn't befriend with me because he is afraid of me.

In contrary, he was and is the only one I don't hurt and who I trust and he knows that damn well.

I am home right now, just sitting on my couch thinking about everything and anything.

You could think I am happy now, since I have Niall back and i'm out of prison. But heck no I'm not. Because now I'm scared, I'm scared to love, I'm scared to breathe, I'm scared to touch Niall and I'm scared that if one day I'll find the last person..I'll kill him.

I wanted to do something with Niall today but he told me he was hanging out with that liam guy. At first I felt a bit rejected but I quickly understood that Niall made new friends those past three years. And I'm not mad at him, at all. I'm rather happy he made friends because Niall is a shy person and maybe this is a good thing for him since therefore he only hung out with me.
So now I'm basically zapping trough the tv show's trying to find anything I like.

Badly enough I don't have luck today. So I decide to go on a long walk with my dog Bell. Since I live in an apartment and she can't really run around like she likes it.

As you may have noticed I live alone, my parents rejected me when they heared about what happened back then.

They we're so disappointed in me and I have to take back the tears from escaping only by the thoughts of it.

It was such a hard time for me. Especially because me and my mother we're so close..and now she's gone.

I have no idea where they are right now and to be honest, I don't really care. I'm happy on my own, I go back to school and in weekends I do a night job in some sort of bar. I really like my job because the people there are lovely and they don't act weird to me because of my past.

When i'm at work I just forget about all my problems. Sometimes I wonder if Niall always feels that way.

Ones I have changed my clothes in some jogger shorts, long socks, a sweater and of course my bandana; I'm readdy to go.

We have a good walk of 30 minutes before we arrive at the park. I release Bell from the leash and let her run and play with other dog's.

I'm amused by the way Bell play's and sink deep in thoughts. Before I know it, it is dusky and I yell for Bell to go home.

After a while of walking and I arrive home, I give Bell some food and pass mine since I'm not that hungry. Instead I go work on the project our teacher had given us a week ago and we still had a week. I almost had done so I wanted to finish quickly.

I went to my bag, grabbed my papers with the lyrics and settled down behind the piano.

My hands started to connect with the piano touches what causes some rest giving notes.

I slowly started to sing the first lines I wrote down.

'I got a girl crush
Hate to admit it
But I got a heart rush
It ain't slowing down
I got it real hard
Want everything she has
That smile and that midnight laugh She's giving you now.
I want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I want to drown myself
In a bottle of her perfum
...'

By the end I felt a tear escape it's stain.