Chasing Blue

20. I'll Try

"It's your fault, too," says James.

We're having our dinner in my home. My parents have gone out for an event.

I twirl my fork in the pasta.

"I didn't do anything," I tell him.

"You shouldn't have brought Ashley and me into your conversation," says James.

I don't reply.

"You tried to make him feel bad about liking you. You told him he confessed to you so that he could sleep with you."

"Didn't he tell me that directly today?" I tell James, reminding him of the earlier confrontation.

James sighs. "Though, I agree he's a jerk, it's not entirely his fault."

"Nothing seems to be his fault, according to you," I tell James.

James puts down his fork and leans back on his chair. "No. None of it is his fault. It's mine."

I jerk my head up and glower at him. "Don't."

"It's true. You're in this situation because of me. I should've made you date long time ago."

I put down my fork loudly and pull back. "I'm not a child, James, for you to make me do anything."

He shakes his head. "No. I thought you'll get over it one day or the other, and there's no hurry. I was wrong. Now Michael and your relationship is falling apart because of that."

"It's not because of that!" I tell him.

"It is."

"I just don't think of Blue that way."

"And that's because you've made up your mind that you don't want a boyfriend!"

"And so what if I did?"

James looks hurt. I don't want us to get into that topic now. "Leave it James!"

"I can't! This is not just about you. Have you thought what you've done to Michael?"

"I didn't do anything to him. He's the one who likes me all by himself and then got all angry when I rejected him. It's not my fault to ask things to go back to how they were. We were good friends and I want that back."

James sighs. "Dayna, Michael and I are not the same."

"I never said you are."

"No. You don't get it. I'm not talking about our personalities.

I've known you since we were kids. We practically grew up like siblings. You can't possibly expect to have a similar relationship with someone you've just met.

When you got so close to him, especially when no other girls have, how did you expect him to react? He's not going to treat you like a sister! He's a guy and you're a girl. What else you think would've happened?" says James.

"I'm close with the other guys, too. I don't see them confessing to me," I tell him.

"I don't know. Asher seemed pretty angry when I told them we're dating."

"Oh, come on!" I shout at James. What has happened to all the boys? Why are they imagining things that don't exist.

James says, "Okay, let's not talk about others. But asking Michael to stop liking you is not right. In fact, I want you to date him."

I shake my head. "Not happening."

"Please, Dayna. Stop acting like a child. You're old enough to have a boyfriend. I won't let you remain single because of what happened.

This is important. And although, you don't like Michael that way yet, I know you like him a lot.

Give it a chance! What if some other guy had kissed you instead of Michael that day? Would you've let him?" asks James.

I shrink in my seat.

"Exactly! Even after what he did, you still want to be friends with him. And it's not like I'm asking you to jump into bed with him. Take your time. He's willing to wait.

Take your time knowing him and start to notice him as a guy."

I press my lips together and stay silent, focusing on the fruit bowl at the centre of the dining table.

"Dayna!" James calls me.

"I'll try."

"Good! Try! That's all I want you to do. Just try! Don't shut him off."

I look at my leftover dinner. My hunger has gone.

I drop James off the next day at the airport. I'm sad he has to go, but I'm glad he came. I feel much better now.