From A Distance

Kabanata 3

Wala na atang mas malakas at mas malutong pa sa pagmumura ko sa harap ng hugasan. Sino ba nagsabing magluto ako ng mamantikang karne? I cursed aloud that I even want to break these plates I am washing.

I shouldn't be feeling this way already. It's been what? 4 years? Ako lang ata ang hindi pa nakakamove on kahit na lumipas na ang mahigit na apat na taon. Who sane person would?

I hate this feeling. No matter how I deny and hide my real feelings, hindi na kinakaya ng dibdib ko. The pain is too much to be handled by my heart. I was young but I was sure, he was my true love. Well, I guess he is. He was my first but God knows how much I loved him. Up to this day.

I never had a boyfriend after him even if I try. Sure, i haven't move on yet but I was also busy facing the barbaric truth: my life is in ninth hell. I don't have time to entertain anymore because I have primary priorities.

I went to my room knowing what I really have to do. Magmo-move on na ko. Being confined in a world of false hopes and bittersweet memories will remain an imagination. It's hard but I'm not going to do this for myself, for my family. If I show up weak because of a damned guy then how can they be strong for me?

I opened my closet and rummaged behind my jeans. I saw a hard red box in velvet covering and carried it through my bed. Even if I try to hold back my tears, they started to pool inside my eyes. Opening this box means opening a grave. Digging into memories I long had buried is a stupid move. I could just throw it now alright, but who knows? I might find something funny and corny para maturn-off ako sakanya. It will be a no brainer to move on.

A wilted red rose. Nakalagay siya sa isang stylish box. It was the rose I picked on my desk when heading to class. I wasn't shocked at all. I went to college as someone stealing the limelight. I had boys hovering over me because I was pretty popular. Exposed in school activities made me flirt with hot guys but I never had a boyfriend, only Noah.

Funny it is but that rose wasn't for me. It was for my classmate, Diana because Noah is asking her to the ball. It was my biggest embarassment, I thought the mighty singer of a small-time boyband group likes me but ends up lowkey rejecting me. Though he explained to me that he was told by his friends to date Diana, the humiliation of Ellie Adriano is still iconic.

Cuffs. Oh, sounds sexy. Sounds like 50 shades of grey but nah, this creep of a thing was from a jail booth. Pinagtripan ako ng mga kaibigan ko after bantering about Noah's lowkey rejection. Binili nila yung tatlumpung minuto which costs a K.

It was an awkard atmosphere at first but to break the silence, I asked him. "What secret would you like to tell me right now?"

Kinunot niya ang kanyang perpektong noo at bumaling sa akin, probably weirded out from speaking nowhere.

"Well, it's boring and I am sorry. My friends are just assholes," I said and chewed my lip.

"It's just your way to fished out some information, lady." That sounds like a gentleman but brutal.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. "Nah, you're just Noah. I don't do fangirl stuffs," sabi ko at huli na nang napagtanto kong na-offend ko siya.

Ugh, sometimes my attitude sucks.

Instead of throwing hate, he instead smirked. Now that is sexy. I might think maging fangirl na niya ako now. Kidding aside, he answered.  "Well, I'm gay." He bluntly spouted.

I nodded but a bit shocked. Now, that's sayang. "Oh okay."

He burst out into laughter, "I was kidding." Now, that's sexier.

He can actually laugh! His perfect row of white teeth flaunted and it's one of the best features a guy can have and his deep voice while laughing sounds like a mixtape playing in a cadillac. And the fact that he revealed he is not gay sent me a huge wave of relief.