Stars and Diamonds

Chapter 38: Miles Apart

Orange sighed as she leaned back in the water, her arms bent behind her to hold onto the side of the wall of the giant bath, her feet kicking lazily in the water. She still could not swim, but Orange did not really harbor any fear of the water itself, perhaps something she could attribute to always having one of the other Diamonds prepared to pluck her from the water should she ever sink below its surface. Now, however, it was just her in the water, as naked as she had been as a babe, and completely alone.

Well, with the exception of the two guards that stood just inside the doorway. With a sound from her, they would come running to save her from the water if she needed it, otherwise they would remain as unseen as they could, and it was as much privacy as Orange could ask for at the moment. Pearl had to return to White, saying she had been summoned, though Orange wasn't sure how she knew that, but she hadn't exactly pushed for more information than Pearl was willing to give either. She had said she would return to bring her back to her room, as to ensure she followed White's orders on her continued lockdown.

On the way here, Pearl had stopped any gem they came across and had pushed Orange to socialize with them, even if only for a moment, leaving many flustered gems in their wake. It was odd, after having such little interaction with anyone for more than three weeks of almost total isolation, to suddenly have a handful of people to speak with again, but Orange appreciated it. Though, now she was feeling more drained than ever, and was ready for some quiet time of her own, preferably one that didn't involve her darker thoughts creeping in to ruin it. She never really realized how much she took for granted her freedom to do what she wanted and to freely talk with anyone she pleased, within reason, until White had taken all that away from her.

Which brought up the subject of White's punishment. Orange didn't know how she was supposed to feel on the matter. It upset her White believed she was messing around, but she also knew White didn't entirely understand her situation. Orange herself didn't entirely understand her situation, and wasn't that the root of her problem? If Orange didn't even know what was wrong, how could she blame White for what was happening?

She did not want to excuse White's decision to falsely call her behavior bad and to punish her unjustly for it, she knew White was wrong for her choice. She had made what Orange now considered a rash decision, in her frustration of Orange's situation and as a result it had shaken Orange's belief of the infallible White Diamond.

Orange realized she had done to White exactly what she had recognized the others had done to her. She had not only put White, but all of the diamonds on the highest shelf, and now that shelf had been disturbed. She had felt what it was like to be put up so high and fall. She wasn't as untouchable as she had once believed, and the other Diamonds weren't any more immune from failure than she was. They made mistakes, they didn't know things, and they fought with each other all the time. Orange had always thought they were the best of the best, no one could hope to compare to them.

Where the other Diamond under pressure too? Did they feel what Orange felt, still felt? It was still there, weighing Orange's heart down, but she didn't feel like she was baring it all alone now. She didn't feel like she was at total fault for cracking under the expectation of the others. She was only one gem, and not a very experienced one at that, and yet she had felt she was the odd one out for not knowing, for not being able to do everything the others could. Those gems that had millennia to perfect what they did, and yet it was her that felt at fault when she had not met the expectations placed upon her. She wished White could see it from her perspective, the way her Pearl seemed to.

But Orange also wished to understand where White was coming from. White hadn't done this to her out of malice. Orange didn't even think White knew how she was feeling, or how she had made Orange feel. She didn't know what White meant when she had referred to Pink influencing her, but Orange imagined it was connected to something Pearl had commented on before, Pink doing what she wanted, regardless of who it hurt. She knew the elder Diamond could be reckless at times, even saying things she didn't really mean in the heat of the moment, but she had a hard time believing she could ever purposely hurt someone. But that was before her time, and she didn't know Pink before then. She could have been a whole other person when she had owned White's Pearl.