Do you ever feel empty?
Not the kind of empty that turns you into a vessel for new things, like a pitcher in a cupboard.
Rather the kind of empty that's like a void, a void that despite your efforts, can't be filled.
Efforts and objects, emotions and affection, are made to fill the empty.
But these things disappear into the endless void along with you.
You can't feel anymore, you can't think anymore, you can't live anymore.
Can't breathe, can't see, can't become what you want to be.
No strength, no time, only weight on top of you.
From the top to the bottom, from your head to your toes, empty, empty, empty.
When water flows, it washes you away.
It traps you in this whirlwind, this prison everyday.
But it's good, you're safe, you'll be full again.
Get rid of the empty, get rid of the pain.
You're full... of regret, of ignorance, incompetence.
Dying...since I can't breathe.
I can't see.
I'm surrounded.
Vision clouded, all is lost.
I struggle, I pull through, whatever the cost.
I'm weighed down, I'm sinking.
I'm too weak to fight anymore.
The boulders tied to my ankles, pull me further from the shore.
The emptiness has cut so deep, the water fills up every inch of me.
I can't escape.
I'm flailing with all the effort I can manage.
Hands reach out to me, only to let go.
Some slip away, some even push me further.
I cry out, only to take in more water.
It pours into my lungs bit by bit until I'm full.
Full, yet of almost nothing.
I feel weightless as I give in, as I let go.
I give into the water and continue falling into the familiar cool.
The cold travels through my lungs and into each of my finger tips.
My vision is blurry, I'm lost.
My head aches.
I feel like I'm wearing old, smudged goggles.
I'm struggling to wade through the waves.
I fall deeper and weaker every day.
Sooner or later, I won't be able to hold on.
Sooner or later, I'll be gone.
But what's the difference when the void has already consumed you?
What's left of this empty mess?
No sleep, tears, pain and nightmares.
I can't stay here.
I'm so scared.
If only I knew the way out.
Goodbye water, goodbye empty, goodbye fear.
In the end, I may seem weak to you.
Trust me, I try and try and try...
I'll just pretend you're gone until you eat me up inside.
