Three Years - lrh

You didn't see me but god did I see you - 1

You told me one day that you swore you were going to marry me someday. I know we were sixteen and I know I shouldn't have thought much of it, but I did. It stuck in my head for so long. You were so sure when you said it. Hell, it's been three years and I can still picture it clearly and I can still hear the tone in your voice and I can still feel how happy you made my sixteen year old heart when you said that. You. You said it. The boy who I'd loved since I was twelve years old told me that he was going to marry me. Maybe I watched too much Boy Meets World and maybe I believed in love a little too deep at that age, but goddamn I swear the butterflies could have made me fly that night.

Then we gave up. We tossed everything we knew to the fire and let it burn. I thought I was a goner. I looked for you in everyone I met and that's why I could never tell if I was moving on or just finding different versions of you to keep myself sane, because you weren't there anymore. Losing you killed me. I knew it, but all of my friends called me over dramatic and told me you were just being a teenager and I needed to get the hell over it. So, I believed them, until now. I know now that losing you was literally the hardest thing I have ever done.

I hate it. I hate to admit it so much, but it hurts worse to think about that than it does to think about losing my parents. I think maybe it's because losing my parents was so valid, so final. They weren't coming back, when you had a chance to - you just chose not to. That's what hurt the most; you saying what you said that night and then completely shattering my heart and acting like you'd never known me. I thought you weren't coming back. I really was dead set on the fact that you were gone forever. But, here you are again and here I am, hoping that this time we'll find that someday.

I didn't expect it, not one bit. You walked into my life all over again, even if you didn't know it. You didn't see me but god did I see you, it was like seeing an angel fall from heaven, hitting a few trees on the way down and coming out with a broken wing but still so fucking beautiful. Your heart is as black as the clothes I wore on the daily, but you still seemed to shine like a diamond that had been freshly cleaned and was sold for millions and millions of dollars. You walked in my life on a boring, quiet Thursday at a local Bunnings store, the one I had been working in for over 3 years now, I got the job after you left me because I needed the money to fix my broken walls and mirrors I had smashed to pieces.

I wanted you to come through my register, I wanted you to see me, and I wanted you to remember how you had crushed me to a thousand fucking pieces. But you didn't. You went through a different one; you had your friends around you, just like you always did when we were together 3 years ago. I think day was harder than any other day I had experienced in the past few years, I wasn't exactly sure why, maybe it was because I had started to get over you. That couldn't be it though. I never got over you, no matter how many times I told myself I did; deep down inside I know I was just lying to myself.

That night I cried myself to sleep, I cried till I could no longer breathe. My brother held a brown paper bag to my mouth to get me to stop my panic attack, he knew from the second he saw me walk inside from work that I had gone back to the state I was in the day you had left me. He warned me about you from the start, but me being me I didn't listen but fuck do I wish I had listened. But at the same time I'm glad I didn't listen. Otherwise we wouldn't have had those good days that I think about when I'm in the shower, and eating cereal late at night. But those pretty memories get washed away with the bad ones, and I end up crying in the corner of my shower, shaking from the cold water and praying to whoever was up there to just kill me.

"What time did she get to sleep last night?" I could hear my Aunt Jackie talking to my brother about me from the kitchen, it was like they thought I was deaf or stupid. I guess I was already halfway there.

"Well after two thirty this morning, I stayed up with her most of the night trying to get her to calm down" I could hear him sigh softly and I just knew he was rustling his hair up like he does every time he was stressed. "I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know whether or not to go find Luke and kill him for what he has done to her."

The thought of anyone laying a hand on you made me want to throw up everything I had in my stomach, which wasn't much since I hadn't eaten since the morning you showed up again. My friends weren't answering their phones anymore, I guess you could say I didn't really have any friends anymore. But that's okay, I prefer to be on my own now a days anyway. I didn't have the problem of disappointing anyone else but myself, and that was a rare occurence.

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Okay so that was my first chapter to this fanfic, I really hope you guys liked it so far. I'll try and update when I can but I work a lot and plus school is starting very soon (really not looking forward to that) ANYWAY thank you for reading and I love you guys lots and lots :)))