The Last Card

The Moon

"It's time for the truth."

The querent stared at me. His appearance was so different from the demanding punk who first entered my life to ask the impossible. His face was a canvas of time and misery―shadows under the eyes, creases on the face and stubble. A faded scar under his left eye from a bad incident at work.

His dark eyes were still the same; a starless sky in search of a Star. I hoped he had found his Star.

But it seemed that he would always be looking for the unattainable star.

"Okay." I looked at the worn card. "You're almost forty. You've been afraid of death since you were twenty, but you're still here. You have your Star. But you're still like the dog in this picture―barking at the unknown night."

He rested his face in his hands. "There's a reason that I'm still the dog―the vision is back. I can't sleep at night―the damn thing keeps runs through my mind."

I fought the urge to lie. "That's why the Moon is your present. You see the wolf? The wolf means that you're struggling with your fears. It's important for you to fight past your fears before the wolf comes for you."

"What does the dog mean?"

"The dog is giving you a warning of danger coming."

"So that's it? After everything...it's coming?"

I swallowed. "Death was always coming. But the crayfish in the picture is more of a sign of renewal―you need to let go of the things that hold you down."

"Haven't I?" the querent asked quietly.

"If you really let go of things, you wouldn't be here." I couldn't stand seeing him look so bleak. "The wolf is also warning you about a poisonous relationship."

"But that's the thing..." he said softly. "We aren't together anymore. It's done."

"You're still here."

"All those years ago...I had a glimpse of you in my vision. That has to mean something. Everything means something."

I grimaced. "Don't you get it? You saw me because you wanted to see me. I challenged you and gave you hope for a future. It's like the cards―I was in your vision because you wanted to see me. The Moon represents your unconscious mind. It's time for you to accept that it was all in your mind―none of this was ever real."

"You're lying."

I stiffened. "Excuse me?"

"It's time for the truth," the querent said harshly. "I've known you for almost two decades. After all this time, I know when you're lying. You're still lying to me."

"If you think I'm lying, go to another reader!"

"No! I want you to tell me the truth. I'm having these visions and the Moon shows up in my Present. And you're lying to me. Why can't you just tell the damn truth? If not for me, for our daughters!"

I got up and turned away. "The Moon means someone is keeping secrets from you. You're right, okay? Does that make you happy? I've been keeping secrets. But I can't tell you! So just go! I don't need this shit! I don't need you walking into my life whenever you need something from me. You don't know what it does to me. It makes me an ugly person."

"You made your own choices."

"Always Justice, always the Emperor," I said viciously. "Always judging."

"You were wrong!"

"Don't you think I know that?" I snapped. "I was scared! Your obsession scared me. I didn't know what to do and it scared me. I knew one day you would find out the truth...find out that I drove a sword into you."

"Can't you tell me the truth now?" he entreated gently.

"No!" I sniffled. "When Rhiannon was born...I knew that was impossible. I knew it would destroy everything. Even now...I can't tell you."

"Is my vision real?"

A few minutes passed before I nodded. "Yes. It's real. I...did a reading. Then I used other divination techniques. I was scared of what happened before Rhiannon was born. I had to know that you weren't going to disappear again. So...so I found out what your vision means."

"So you know how I'll die?"

"That's all I can tell you for now. The Moon card means that it is time. It's a symbol of your unconscious mind―your vision. Just look at the towers...they look like the towers on the death card. It was time that I told you the truth...but I can't tell you anything other than that the vision is real."

"Dammit..."

I whirled around, no longer caring that he would see my tears. "I'll tell, but not yet. I'll tell you when you need to know. No one should ever start living like they are already dead. That's why I didn't tell you...so we could live."

"It wrecked us anyway."

"I know." I hugged myself. "I wish I hadn't done it."

He rubbed his hands together. "How long do I have?"

I gave a little jerk of my head.

"Just tell me!"

"Even if I could, I wouldn't!" I said forcefully. "Because it'll never be enough! You'll live every day thinking of the death is coming. Whatever granted you the vision really screwed you. It gave you a vision of something that can never be changed."

"You don't know that's true!"

"I do!" I snapped. "Did you ever get a clear glimpse of anything beyond the experience of dying and seeing me? That vision has haunted you for almost twenty years and there was no clue. You are a detective and you can't put the pieces together because there is nothing to put together. We can't change the future. Sometimes we're given glimpses of something and that's it."

"You always say that people see what they want." The querent sighed. "Are you sure that you aren't just seeing no hope?"

"I used every divination trick to find out how to stop it!" I pushed the cards off the table. "There is nothing! I was never able to help you. I'm not your guiding Star. I've always been your Moon. I'm a symbol of mysteries and the unknown."

He walked over to me. We were so close. His summery scent was overwhelming. He affected me―and he would never stop being affected by me. I was the Moon to his ocean.

"You could've just told me that you couldn't figure it out."

I shook my head. "You would've kept trying...you would have left. I would have lost you. That was always my problem. I tried to be your guiding Star..."

And I still ended up losing him.