bridges [on hold]

xii. it was beautiful (part i)

march 5, 2013

so yesterday i went over to isaac's house for a change.

i haven't been there since that first day we met, when he moved in and i helped him organize his stuff.

it was maybe ten at night. his dad was at work - he works late, he's a lawyer, remember? - and isaac called and said he was lonely. after informing my parents, i told him i'd be right over, and when i got there, he opened the door with this look on his face i'd never seen before. he looked… excited. like, real, genuine giddiness, as if he had no cares in the world.

he was a little kid, and i was christmas morning knocking at his door.

when i inquired about this newfound happiness, he just giggled. the boy giggled. isaac gray does not giggle.

it was beautiful.

"i have something to show you."

"what?" i raised an eyebrow. 

"you'll see. c'mere."

so i followed him out of the house and into the garage, stopping dead in my tracks when he opened the passenger door of his car. he motioned for me to  get in, but all i could do was look from him to the car, over and over again, my eyes darting left and right. 

"are you alright?"

the smooth sound of isaac's voice brought me out of my stupor. 

i reminded myself that normal teenagers, teenagers that didn't have post-traumatic stress, were not anxious about getting in cars. 

"i'm fine."

so i got in the car. i buckled my seat belt, adjusting it so it was tight enough. when isaac got in the car and started it, he didn't put his on, so i reminded him.

"are you going to put your seatbelt on?"

i resisted the urge to cringe. great going, diana. fantastic.

"oh, yeah. thanks."

and so he put it on, then proceeded to back out of the driveway using his good hand to steer.

"are you sure you're okay to drive with one hand?"

"yeah, i've done it plenty of time before. of course, i didn't have my hand in a cast then, but still."

"…okay."

so for fifteen minutes, one hand of isaac's controlled the steering wheel, and two of mine gripped my seat. i hadn't driven with anyone else but my family for months. i fought the nausea that tried to overtake me, biting my lip and keeping my eyes glued to the road ahead. every couple minutes i would get flashbacks of the accident.