palpitations (phan)

nineteen

In the past two years of their lives, Phil had continued to stick with Dan through everything.

They'd stuck with each other through first dates, and coming out to already assuming parents, through graduation and university acceptances. Even when Dan had went through a miniature mental breakdown and dropped out after the first semester of law school, Phil stuck with him.

"I don't think I can do this anymore, Phil," Dan had spoke quietly one night during a particularly taxing study session.

Phil had lifted his head, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his crooked nose and giving his boyfriend his full attention.

"Do what?" He asked, only a bit scared.

Dan ran a hand through his messily straightened hair, hiding his face with his hands for a moment. When he looked up again, it was with large intake of air into his lungs as silent tears rolled down his flushed cheeks.

"Law school," Dan mumbled, keeping his eyes dead ahead of himself.

Phil smiled sympathetically. "Don't worry, Dan. It'll get easier, and then before you know it you'll be living the dream as a fully functioning lawy–"

"No!" Exclaimed Dan, much louder than he'd been before. "I don't even want to be a lawyer! It's not even my dream!"

Phil had listened to him express his feelings, every single one of them, and when he was done, Phil thought he probably understood Dan a lot more.

As it turned out, Dan had only been attending law school in hopes of providing for his mum. She'd given him the best childhood possible, so he wanted to give her the best life from then on.

As much as Phil had understood, he'd also tried his very best to make it clear that Dan needed to do what his heart wanted, not what his over generous mind wanted.

"You need to become whoever you become for yourself, and no one else. I'm sure your mum will love you whether you turn out to be a lawyer or a mailman, Dan. And I will, too. If you want to drop out, then that's okay. It's your decision."

Dan wrote a letter to the University of Manchester the next day, and officially dropped out not a week later.

And now, half a year after that, they still remained together in every aspect, still supporting each other through thick and thin.

Phil had just finished his first year of university on his way to receive his degree in linguistics, and Dan was perfectly content working at a popular grocery store in the heart of Manchester.

They shared a very small apartment which they'd began renting last summer after Dan turned eighteen, having both wanted to stay close to each other and stray from their suburban family lives.

Jenny was doing okay, her health having been completely stable since the heart scare a few years back. She'd even gotten herself a new dog– a golden retriever named Baylee.

Whenever Jenny visited, she often brought Baylee along with her. She wasn't Colin, but she was still a beautiful dog, one that Dan and Phil loved as if she were their own.

However, they'd decided upon maybe saving up getting a dog of their own for later on in their lives.

Right before turning twenty, Phil stumbled upon the world of YouTube, which he used mainly to binge watch videos of baby animals. He had no shame, and neither did his boyfriend when he came to sit with Phil after a long day and join in watching the fluffy pureness.

In April, Phil picked up his phone and began filming his own videos, as did Dan. They began capturing special moments and often times using it as an impersonal film diary, which they then posted on the website that was slowly growing in popularity.

A few months later, people began to actually watch them, the two having gained a rather substantial amount of subscribers who commented on and viewed their content on the regular.

Now, merely weeks after their sudden miniature popularity, Phil proposed a question to Dan; "Do you want to film a video together?" He asked, standing in the doorway of their shared bedroom.

Dan looked up from his laptop where he was busy editing a video called 'Butterfingers'. "What kind of video?"

Phil moved to sit on the end of their bed. "A Q&A type thing, I think."

Dan frowned, shutting his laptop screen slightly and raising an eyebrow at Phil. He looked skeptical.

"That's rather boring, don't you think?"

"We'll make it special and fun!" Phil responded, rolling his eyes.

"And how do you suppose we'll go about this?"

Phil thought a moment, saying the first words that came to mind. "Sharpied on cat whiskers and random editing. No serious answers, too."

Dan laughed. "Okay then, Lester. And what are we gonna call it?"

"Phil Is Not On Fire," he came up with on the spot, combining their two usernames to create the monstrosity that had just left his mouth.

Chuckling, Dan reopened his laptop and opened Twitter, typing out a quick tweet and asking for random questions. When he was done, he pressed the publish button, watching as a few dozen replies came almost instantly.

"Phil Is Not On Fire," repeated Dan, testing how the phrase sounded coming from his own mouth. "Okay."

Come October, the two young men found themselves driving the short distance back to Phil's childhood home to meet Martyn's not-so-new girlfriend, Cornelia.

Cornelia was lovely, to say the least. With hair as red as the sun and a face dusted with delicate freckles paired with a stunning sense of compassion and a natural knack for humour, Phil could easily understand why his brother was so in love with her. She was Martyn's Dan.

As well as meeting this wonderful extension to the Lester family, Dan and Phil both dubbed this as the perfect time to finally film the first ever Phil Is Not On Fire, which would just as appropriately take place in Phil's messy teenage bedroom.

Dan set up their shitty camera, balancing it on a stack of books facing Phil's dresser while Phil busied himself in fixing his splinge.

"Are you ready?" Dan asked Phil, already sat in front of the camera.

Phil, still stood off to the side, nodded as Dan pressed the 'record' function and began filming, all the while picking up one of Phil's tiny stuffed lions and pretending to eat it.

Phil glanced over, shaking his head fondly off camera. "Are you putting the lion in your mouth?"

Phil moved to sit beside Dan on the floor, a black dry erase pen in hand as he let his boyfriend read the first question aloud.

"Why do you always make cat whiskers?"