Letters to Prince

Letters to Prince Chapter 5

I am So Mad At You

My Dearest Prince

Today has not been a good day at all.  It is the third in a row that I have spent on the verge of tears on and off all day.  My heart is in such pain as we approach the 3rd anniversary of your death.  You used to say that you would celebrate the day you died instead of your birthdays and maybe you are and many here on earth are trying to do the same.  We honor you through your music as it is how you said you wanted to be remembered.  We laugh and cheer as we watch videos of your concerts and see your antics on the stage again.  We let our minds remain open to your thoughts and your heartbreak and your pain and your joy from songs that have become like old friends. We listen to the lyrics of some of them for the 200th time and still find something new to appreciate.   We listen to your growing maturity as it develops and then becomes arrested never to grow another inch.  And we try to do what you told us to do.  We try not to grieve.   Some of us go to the celebrations held in your home town at your former home and studio Paisley Park...And I read that many those that do still have times of breaking down in tears despite the fact that they have a good time remembering you but miss you as they do and it still hurts them and it still hurts me.  I cannot do that yet...I cannot go to Minneapolis yet.  Not yet because...

We should not be doing any of this.  We should be preparing to attend another concert perhaps in an intimate setting like many of your after parties were held in.  Or taking master classes from you at the University in Minnesota or seeing you on talk shows still singing your new music or sharing your wisdom and your love with us.  Or coming to a farewell show if that is what you would have preferred.  But we should not be grieving the loss of you because of your stupid pride that would not let anyone in to help you.  Prince we loved you.  We still love you.    There were many of us that you had never met that had they known you were fighting such a big demon would have dropped what they were doing and come and quietly gotten you to where you needed to be.  I know I would have.  It would never have mattered to me if anyone knew that or not.  And I certainly would not have violated your privacy and told the press or anyone else.  I would have just wanted to see you whole, healthy and without pain being the best you that you could be. 

Many things have been said about you since your death...that you slept with over a 1000 women, that you were using drugs for many many years including recreational ones.  While if true,  that would make me mad also...it would not change a thing.  I loved you before, I love you now.  The only thing I don't love is your stubborn pride...it Prince was not worth your life.  You were so much greater than your pride as a musician, as a vocalist and as a MAN!  You allowed your pride to force you to abandon us...abandon me...as you were one of the very few things on earth that made life worth living for me and I think unfortunately for many others.  

I will get over being mad at you...but I will never get over losing you too early for no reason!

Yes Prince,  I still love you and I always will.  

Marie