'Life should go jump off a Parachute'

'It's just not the Case'

in this short chapter i'll be talking about the time i was a total mess (still am) and how i overcame it.

so i consider myself as an 'Over-Thinker'.
You know. Those types of people who are always conscious upon every living thing they come across and then they start dramatically thinking and jumping into conclusions the moment someone could be showing the slightest bit of dislike towards them.
Yeah.

i am currently in 4th year in secondary school (10th grade in high school) and years before i was always the human definition of shy and conscious of my own being.

here are incidents from my life that will my you face-palm hard:

-when using computers, i would always feel like i'm annoying those around me because i felt like i was typing and clicking too loud and too much.

-i used to feel like i'm bothering anyone when i had to sit beside someone at a public transit, for that reason i would sometimes stand during bus rides.

-when i say an answer and it ends up being wrong, i feared that my classmates would think that they are 'smarter' than me and i'll be looked down upon in relation to academics.

-i was ashamed and shy to ask my maths teacher when i needed help. not gonna lie i have no idea why. but ever so often my teacher would come over to me and ask if i am stuck on any questions and i replied with 'nOooOpEe!👍👍👍👍👍' and for that reason i got a C in my summer maths exam ahhahah maths is hard kill me

and then the list goes on.
and really, what these four examples of eighth grade me's socially awkward life is telling us is that they all amalgamate into the same problem.

and that problem is that i'm afraid that i will be looked down upon by other people, making them hate or think of me weirdly leading to teasing, and oh god to this day i can't stand teasing.

i was afraid okay. i had a hard time adjusting to my new environment (jeanne's problematic life) and my overthinking ended up in me going on a really difficult route, though i'll just vent it all away in a future chapter, maybe idk.
i was a quiet person and all these new feelings such as severe worry, overthinking, anxiety really really got to me.

and guys, i've been through a lot of shit. but day after day, month after month and year after year, i ended up developing (but slowly tho) and i learned how to adapt more and have healthier and productive mindsets and strengths within myself.

if i were to go and talk to my eighth grade self, i'd probably say a lot of things to her. perhaps even slap her in the face for being dramatic.

so, you guys just read about how i was anxious because of what people thought of me to be, and sometimes they just tend to  be negative, or as i thought.

and now i shall explain what changed me.

excuse me potty mouth, but just remember that

WHO THE FUCK GIVES A SHIT????

Okay! Okay guys chill! 
If any of you guys are feeling insecure of yourself for whatever reason, REMEMBER 👏 THIS 👏

SOMETIMES ITS JUST NOT THE CASE

Dear eighth grade me,

I'm sorry that you thought everyone looked down on you because you said the wrong answer.
I'm sorry that you stood up for the entirety of a 30 minute bus ride home from school.
I'm sorry that you thought you bothered everyone when you used the computers.
Because i know that those feelings are inescapable and hard to overcome. But Jeanne. What. Are. You. Thinking. Dude?

You have to learn that you must stop assuming what other people think. NOBODY CARES if you ask for help on something small, or when you have to sit beside someone, or be noisy or say the wrong answer.

ANXIETY IS A BITCH, MAKE IT GO AWAY

Nobody is gonna give a single damn about you because they just don't care. What do you do when someone asks you for something? You give them the things they need. And do you feel the need to judge them afterwards for whatever reason? No!

ITS 👏 JUST 👏 NOT 👏 THE 👏 CASE 👏 PEOPLE 👏 NOBODY 👏 IS 👏 GOING 👏TO 👏 HATE 👏 YOU 👏 FOR 👏 DOING 👏 SOMETHING 👏 EVERYONE 👏 ELSE 👏DOES 👏 SO 👏 STOP 👏WHATS 👏  HOLDING 👏YOU 👏 BACK 👏HO 👏 NEST 👏 LY👏

okay, okay i know that all this sounds very extra, but my message is that, don't feel anxious or socially awkward because it's not the case! be social! talk to people! none of you guys should ever refrain from just speaking to someone, be it on the streets or school or a gathering or whatever because chances are you're never gonna see or contact them again! no ones gonna judge you, but people who do are D I C K S

don't feel bad, pick up your worries from your head and throw it in the bin.

here's my personal recommendation to help you feel less introverted:

open your window, take a very very deep breath and, with the top of your lungs,  scream 'I (YOUR NAME) WILL NO LONGER BE AN AWKWARD PERSON AND THAT THERE IS NO BETTER LIFE THAN THE LIFE IM LIVING'

SCREAM IT TO YOUR NEIGHBOURS, TO THE WORLD AND THROUGHOUT THE SOLAR SYSTEM, WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO? ARRESR YOU JUST FOR SHOUTING? (although i'd say to try it late at night or early in the morning)