I dropped to my knees.
The pain was unbearable, but I had to do it. The sunlight hit my eyes and I shut them tightly. Licking my dry lips, I opened my eyes again.
"Forgive me."
I didn't know if anyone would hear me. Or even if anyone would care. It didn't matter, not really. But I prayed anyway.
"Forgive me. Forgive those who wronged me. Forgive those I've wronged."
I felt the wind stir behind me and my eyes flew open.
"What have you done?"
My blood ran cold at his tone. Disappointment. Frustration. Just the smallest hint of sadness.
Sadness?
"Oh, Chaos...," he whispered, his long cold fingers tracing down my back. "Why? Why did you do this?"
I licked my lips again and refused to speak. What difference would it make?
He circled around me and lifted my chin with his index finger, forcing me to look up at him. His eyes were dark. Hooded. He looked like he'd been hurting.
"Tell me why you did this? Am I that terrible? Did you really need to do this? Was living with me the worst thing that could have happened?"
I averted my eyes. I couldn't bear his disapproval.
"I saved you, Narolin. I took you from that wretched place. Freed you from the prison they'd put you in. I gave you power. A home. All the freedom you could have wanted."
I scoffed. Freedom? Hardly.
"You were content for a millennia, Angel of mine. Why run now, hmm? Why go to such drastic measures? To be rid of me? I gave you everything."
I looked at him. Anger boiled beneath the surface.
"You gave me nothing, my King."
He smirked, his lips twisted. "I gave you everything. I don't know why you insist on denying it. Power. Beautiful black wings. You ruled Hell with me, Chaos. You could have been my queen."
"Now what happens to you? Hmm?"
He kneeled in front of me, holding my face in his hands. I couldn't look away.
"You smell like a human," he whispered, taking a breath. "What happens when you die? Hmm? Heaven doesn't want you. Hell is out of the question, isn't it? So what are you left with? Pergatory."
"It's better than the other two options," I sneered and he merely laughed.
"Is it? Really, Naro? Because trapped there for eternity doesn't sound so great to me. No place for your little black soul to go."
I clenched my jaw and my fists. I wanted to fight him, but I knew I no longer could. Not now.
"What do you care about my soul?"
He smiled, leaning in closer. "You act like I never cared for you, little Chaos. But I did. I watched you for so long. So beautiful, so powerful."
"You deserved more. Deserved better. Those Archangels? They didn't give a damn. They were jealous. And rightly so. You were preferred over them. They knew that. They plotted. For centuries."
My eyes widened a bit at his words. Was he telling the truth?
"They wanted to be the chosen ones. Gabriel, Michael and Lucifer...well, we know what became of him. Look how it turned out. Now the two rule Heaven, now that you're gone."
"And this...," he gestured, "look at you."
I was immediately ashamed, regretful. My wings, gone for a second time. All that I knew, that was gone again. I closed my eyes, tears welling up.
"You could have had it all, Naro. Could have been the queen, ruled the place. Could have had everything you wanted until the end of time. But you ran from me. When all I wanted..."
"...was you."
Opening my eyes, I found myself alone.
I expected that. I knew he wouldn't stay. And I wasn't sure if I had even wanted him to. I was a failure, a disappointment. I was nothing now, not an Angel.
Only human.
Two weeks later...
I wiped down the bar and took a look around. Lela's had been my sanctuary, my safe place, even now. And really, I needed it more than ever.
I still had...instincts, I suppose. I can read supernatural beings. I felt comfortable amongst them. Safe. They all knew what I had been and why is given it up.
Less and less demons frequented the place and I knew why. He'd given up on me, on my relenting and coming home to him.
Other Angels told me they felt inspired by what I had done, by the freedom I now had. They'd expressed their own feelings of repression, feeling like they belonged to something else, not themselves.
I'd never encourage anyone to do what I did. It may have seemed like a brave move, yet I felt like a coward. I'd simply ran, afraid of something I could have changed. I missed it, being an Angel.
Being Chaos.
I missed him.
I heard whispers. That he was unhappy. Had become unruly. Slaughtered anyone or anything that challenged him in the slightest way.
And my name was forbidden.
No mention of me allowed. Or he'd slit a throat. He'd done it several times early on, they'd never seen him more brutal.
I figured he'd eventually come back. Try some other way to convince me to come home with him. To reclaim my throne. To show me that life was better with him than without.
He didn't.
So I gave up. Stayed with Lela's for a few more years until I was weary and ready to move onto something else. Something different.
I crossed paths with more beings, more fallen Angels over time. Always finding some other place like Lela's. I'd stay for awhile, sling drinks. Tell and listen to stories. Trying to catch some hint of my King.
I finally settled down in Denver. It suited me, and I felt at home somewhere for the first time. It was slower paced, the people were friendly. I could start fresh, start over.
And it didn't take long for me to find another supernatural safe haven.
Six months of pouring drinks, I found a rhythm. It was easy, what I knew. I made enough for a small apartment. I'd finally let go of James and any hope. I'd made my peace with it and with what I'd done.
The place was relatively quiet, empty and I heard the door shut. Not looking up, I poured a glass for someone I was certain was a vampire, and sat it down on the bar.
I saw the stool become occupied from the corner of my eye and I turned my head just a bit. "What can I get ya?," I asked, grabbing a clean glass and my heart stopped as soon as I turned around.
"Whiskey neat. Hello, Narolin."
