The Neon God

V

What sadness must existence be

When your life is such as these?

Can they come out of the darkness

And see their faces as God's likeness?

Just where can their breaking point be found?

It's somewhere 'round

The vast expanse of silence.

For admittedly longer than we should have that night we stayed online and gamed. Soon, it became a routine part of our day that it was clear we both looked forward to. August faded to September, then October, then November, then December and almost every day we found some time to get on together. Yet, during all that time, we never spent much time together in person. We'd often walk home together on days when our schedules aligned, but other than that we never actually saw each other in person. By December it got to be almost painfully obvious that we both wanted something more, but neither of us seemed to want to be the one to suggest it.

Eventually it got to be the week before finals. It took me most of one agonizing Sunday to do it, but I decided to ask Liz if she wanted to meet up in the lobby of the Stratoscraper and study together. I figured relief would come when replied with a "yes" later that afternoon, but it didn't. My anxiety kicked into high gear. If I was in full freakout mode more than 24 hours out, how bad was it going to be when the time actually came? The more I tried not to think about it the more suffocating the anxiety became. I barely ate any dinner, got only fitful, uncomfortable sleep, and nibbled on a little bit of buttered toast for breakfast that morning.

Mom and Dad both knew my anxiety was acting up, but I hadn't told them why. Honestly, I hadn't told them about anything that was making me anxious in a long time. It didn't do any good. Talking about it only made it worse, I found. My only solace was that I was far from the only person who was debilitatingly anxious about something that day. I'm sure Liz was going through something similar on the other side of our floor. It killed me that I couldn't help her somehow, but if I tried to talk to her about it it would probably make it worse for both of us. I figured that was why she wasn't as talkative as usual that morning. Normally I'd get at least a "Good Morning, Peter!" when she woke up, but that day I got nothing until it was almost time for us to meet.

Astelline: So we're meeting in the lobby of the Stratoscraper, right?

Senecus: Yep.

Astelline: Alright, I'm on my way.

Astelline: See you in a bit.

My heart and thoughts began to race at what felt like lightspeed, and my eyes were locked on the floor-to-ceiling windows that bracketed the main door of the building. The gently shifting colors of the holoboards were of some small comfort to me, though. The pinks and greens and blues and the smooth transitions between the different ads framed all four corners of the ground floor with their tranquil neon glow. At last, I saw a familiar figure step into the light outside. She was walking like an anxious person in a rush to get somewhere to try and prevent their anxiety from intensifying to an unmanageable level. She stepped through the door and made a beeline directly to the table where I had been silently going insane for the past ten minutes. When she finally got to me she practically suffocated me in a hug.

"I-if it's alright w-with you, I-I'll just hang on until I'm calmed down," she whispered in my ear.

"T-that works f-for me," I replied, though I don't think I really had much of a choice in the matter to begin with. We stood there for a solid two and a half minutes locked in each other's arms. If people were staring at us, I didn't notice and wouldn't have cared.