Shine Again (An Avengers: Infinity War/Endgame Story)

Chapter 17: Burning Desire

Anja moved about her room, slowly tidying things up as she listened to music that played quietly from her phone. It was all the device was good for now; being in space provided her no cellphone reception, let alone any internet. Not that she had any reason to check on Earth. What she had was a glorified paper weight, albeit one that could play music to distract her from the rest of the world for a bit.

And lord knew she needed a distraction.

Anja's mind was still reeling from the events on Jotunheim. While she was relieved the talks went smooth enough, other parts of the meeting were replaying all too vividly in her mind. The realization that her friend- a man she was growing ever more fond of- was not what she had thought he was had been more thought provoking than she thought it should've been. Not that it bothered her, exactly. Anja wasn't troubled by the fact that Loki was a frost giant, not at all. It didn't change how she saw him; despite technically being an orphan most of her life, the one lesson Anja remembered from her mother was to not judge people based upon their racial or ethnic differences, or any differences for that matter. Anja wasn't sure her mother meant to include alien species in that, but Anja had extended that to them as well. Sure, her foster parents and Spencer's parents helped re-establish that fact, but Anja thought her mother deserved most of the credit.

What did bother Anja was that Loki had seemed so troubled by it himself up until that point. She wanted to talk to him about it, but she wasn't sure how to bring it up to him. She was afraid he would close himself off to her, and all the progress they had made in their friendship would go down the drain- not to mention whatever else it had been slowly forming.

It was foolish, but she couldn't help herself.

If anything the events on Jotunheim had only proven what she had feared most- excluding the inevitable showdown with Thanos. Anja hadn't had any sort of romantic feelings for anyone since her relationship with Clint had failed spectacularly. The realization that the walls she had put up for years were crumbling, deteriorating quickly right before her eyes was eating away at her mind. It had only been just over two weeks now since she had met Loki and here she was, acting like a schoolgirl with her first crush. It was absolute insanity, and Anja knew it.

Anja cursed under her breath, running a hand through her hair as she tossed a jacket into a basket in the corner of her room. This was bad. She was in too deep already, and she didn't know if he even remotely felt the same. She could deny it all she wanted, but it was becoming too obvious to ignore. Somehow she was going to have to bring it- and everything else- up to Loki, so he could just reject her and she could move on and focus more on the mission at hand. This wasn't the time to let her feelings get the better of her, not with a war and impending death looming on the horizon.

She glanced around her room just as the song playing changed on her phone, looking for something else she could do to keep her mind busy. She had already straightened up most of her room and changed out of her heavier clothes and into a pair of shorts and a tank top for bedtime. All she really had left to do was make her bed, and then she could sit and relax somehow. Maybe read a book or something. Anything to help her de-stress.

Anja moved around her bed, adjusting the sheets and blankets accordingly as she sang quietly along with the music. She arranged her pillows carefully before she moved to the other side of her bed to pick the last throw blanket off of the floor, her back now to the door. She took a deep breath, tossing the blanket into the air as she sang a little louder.

"Like fire
Hellfire
This fire in my skin
This burning
Desire
Is turning me to sin."