Bad habits - Roger Taylor

Promise

Roger's PoV
5;27 am.

It felt weird to be awake at this time when sober. Normally, I was just crawling back on to the bus, leaning on Deaky for support, completely off my head on gods know what, praying that Victoria wouldn't wake up and see me in such a state. Being here, laid next to the girl I loved, who slept blissfully in my arms, was a welcome respite. There was something calming in watching the world go by as the whole world slept.

I didn't mean to be like this. I just liked having fun. I always said it would just be one drink, but once I started on one, I wanted more. Then the fans would come over, telling me what I wanted to hear as I sat at the bar, sipping more than I could count. Someone would mention a party, which of course just happened to be the best one in the states that I just couldn't miss, according to that person, and off I went. The rest was a blur.

Victoria stirred in her sleep, twisting on her side until her face was inches away from mine as her eyes fluttered, her thoughts a million miles away. I stared at her sleeping face, analysing all the tiny dints and marks on her pale complexion, the dark lashes fanning her eyes, her pink, parted lips. She was everything I'd ever wanted, so pure, so innocent yet so completely awe inspiring and sexy.

And I didn't deserve her. That's all I could think of, every night and every day.

My thoughts crept to Hayley, my first love, unbidden. She was the reason I was scared to love again. She was the reason I was pushing Victoria away with all the drugs and the partying, because I was too scared to love her.

Too scared to let her love me.

Sighing softly, knowing I couldn't get back to sleep I gently pushed myself off the bed, carefully so as not to wake Victoria. I made my way into the kitchen, busying myself with making a coffee to wake myself up. I was so pre occupied with the simple motions that I didn't notice Freddie enter the room until he cleared his throat loudly and perched himself on the counter in front of me.

"You're awake awfully early darling. Is everything alright" Freddie questioned suspiciously, yawning. I nodded, passing him my coffee as I started making myself a new one. "Couldn't sleep?" He checked. I shook my head.

"To be honest, I think this is the first time I've been sober in a while and my body doesn't know how to function like this anymore" I chuckled darkly, pulling myself up a chair once I finished making my coffee. Freddie nodded thoughtfully, processing my words.

"That's called being young and on tour darling. Everyone is doing it. In fact, I'd be more concerned if you weren't branching out and trying new things. As long as you can still play, there is no harm done" Freddie chirped carelessly. A few days ago, I would have agreed with him. After my behaviour last night, I wasn't so sure.

"You don't think it's all going a bit too far? I mean you saw Brian last night. He's never once took his eyes off Victoria and then all of a sudden he was completely hammered and shagging some random girl. He never even normally drinks that much" I pointed out hesitantly. Last night was completely out of character for Brian; I couldn't help but worry about him, despite the bad blood between us. Freddie shrugged, seemingly unbothered.

"I thought you'd be grateful for the loss of competition. Maybe that was just what Brian needed to get it all out of his system. Now he may be able to move on with his life. We will all be happier for it" Freddie shrugged, lighting a cigarette and taking a hearty drag as he drained the dregs of his coffee.

I furrowed my eyebrows. I had expected the third degree from Freddie the moment he saw me for my behaviour last night, judging by how protective he usually was of Victoria. This was the part where his protective big brother behaviour was supposed to kick in and he was supposed to tell me to leave her the fuck alone. Unles, he seriously couldn't remember. He did have a lot to drink and I knew he and Paul were pretty experimental with the drugs they took, even more so than Deaky and myself. But not to remember the night before... was something I suffered from too much. Were we taking it too far?