Like A Ghost In The Snow

Chapter 1

Hello everyone! This is my first time publishing a story on the internet and I'm very excited. This is a very short story and just something I needed to get out, I hope you'll enjoy it. I apologize in advance for the song references in here, I just couldn't help it.

The snow falls in a dense white swirl and lands on the black asphalt making it a smooth translucent patina. Everything is left to the imagination. Silence is everywhere. A dull rustle of silver crystals in free fall from a layer of pearly clouds. Outside there is such a calmness that I can feel my chest implode by the pressure of my pain contrasting the delicate dance of the fine snowflakes. Only a few days ago I would have stopped to observe this picture from my room's window with a cup of hot chocolate and a smile covering my lips. Yet today my head is made of lead and I cannot think. The only thing I hear is the question that continues unabated to rumble in my mind.

Why did he do it?

Now everything is of an indistinct blurred white. I can't even hear the roar of the car engine I'm driving in the white storm. I only feel the tears that flow along my cheeks, my eyes burn and I can't keep them open, it hurts too much. Everything's all too much. I close them and that deafening silence drags me down, more and more. I am overwhelmed by a lightning bolt of pain so strong that I have to open my eyes. All I see are black and red dots. Here comes a different pain, intoxicating almost, physical suffering that finally gives me rest from my mental torture. I let the heat pervade me and my eyes get heavier and heavier until I feel them close. I finally abandon myself against the seat of the now motionless car. I allow my mind to sink into an unknown dimension where everything is finally black and silence is no longer deafening.

Why did he do it?

This question still fails to leave my mind, I repeat it again and again like a mantra and I can't find an answer that is not harrowing. The physical pain disappeared, leaving me with a slight soreness as if I had just woken up but had not rested enough. I force myself to open my eyes. I'm still in the car. A confused expression painted on my face: the car is intact and with a quick look I make sure I am too. Yet I'm sure I had an accident. I remember the trauma, the pain and the dark spiral that kept me in black and calm oblivion until I opened my eyes. I can't have imagined it.

- You didn't imagine it, Jonathan. - I jolt and turn towards the voice that is so familiar to me. Sitting in the passenger seat there is a boy in a suit and his face is painted like a skull.

- Ryan? - I don't hesitate to recognize him. He always dressed like that on Halloween. It was his favorite holiday and he was always so excited about choosing costumes and organizing the evening. I stare at him, it's impossible that he's here. Only a few minutes ago I was running away from his funeral in the grip of a hysterical cry, he can't be here in my car.

- Yeah, in the flesh. Well, not really ... in ... the spirit ... I think. - He looks down for a moment and then looks back into my eyes. I watch him carefully and see all his suffering. Tears rise to my eyes but I reject them with all my strength, this time I want to be strong for him. In the last few days, I've spent whole hours and sleepless nights thinking about what I would have told him if I was to see him again. I never managed to solve this puzzle. Now, though, he is sitting here next to me and I can no longer hold back the question that pounds in my head. It makes its way to my throat, impatient to go out after all that bouncing in my mind full of insecurities and fears.

- Why did you do it, Ryan? Why did you do that? You promised me that if you had felt like that again you would have called me. You know I would have helped you in any way. Why didn't you call me? What did I do wrong? - The last part almost syllables between sobs that I can't hold back.

- I ... I'm sorry. It's not your fault. There's nothing you could do. It was my choice. - His gaze is low again and mine is wandering.

I can feel my impotence making anger grow inside of me.