Autumn Rain and Dead Leaves

Chapter 3: Memories

That night the boy had only gotten a few blinks of sleep. He stayed up most of the night staring at the sheer white curtains, the bright white moonlight had shown through and spilled onto the tan colored carpet. He just couldn't find the need to fall asleep. If he were to fall asleep then time would only begin to tick more rapidly than it already had been.

There was already such limited time at day, an hour could feel like a minute and a year could feel like a month. There was just so much to think about and such little time. He wished that he had more time think to himself. More time to do what he wanted, more time to be free.

Looking over his shoulder the boy checked time. Six in the morning, he needed to get ready for school.

As the teenage boy walked through the halls of his school his mind began swirling around with anxiety, he felt just like a tornado. He wanted to vomit, this place was so sickening.

All the eyes that were staring at him only added up to his panic and the soft murmured whispers just made him want to hide and run away.

"If only I hadn't told them, if I hadn't trusted anyone and didn't bother to try making friends then things would have been like this. Why did I have to do that? Why did I have to be so stupid?" Those thoughts swarm around the boy's head. Regret, fear, and betrayal was the only the feeling that the boy could fully comprehend in this moment.

He forcefully flushed out the present and past and pushed those thoughts and memories into the back of his mind. Flushing things out, he was good at that, it was one of the only things that had protected him when he was a child.

It was when he was sitting in his first period that his mind had fully returned to the present. His eyes immediately caught landed on the teacher who was writing down algebra problems on the board that he couldn't understand and the students who were focusing on their studies, - ignoring him.

For a moment he felt relieved that he was no longer walking in the halls and that no one seemed to acknowledge his presence, he was invincible. But this moment was cut short when he caught a few people on the corner of his eye, those people who had betrayed him, broke him, and left him alone in his dark empty black hole. It was his ex-friends.

He tensed up with sweat and adrenaline his fingernails going deeper and deeper into his skin.

"Don't think about it," he whispered to himself. "Just flush it out then you'll be fine," but flashbacks of the past kept burning like a candle even in the deepest depths of his mind reminding him that no matter how hard he tried he can't forget those memories.

However, the bell had rang signaling the end of the period. He was saved for now, all he had to do now was to wait for time to pass and go to his other classes. Then he would be done with school for today.

When his final class for the day ended the boy quickly gathered his belongings and ran through the halls desperate to exit the building. He needed get out of here quickly if he wanted to avoid seeing them.

The cold air wrapped around him he felt like as if he could fly away never have to think about his life again, but that was just wishful thinking and he knew that too.

As he got closer and closer to the exit, he thought that he had completely avoided those people, the people who had left him with new cracks, mistrust and bitter memories. But when he saw them standing at the door ahead talking to each other and laughing together he almost hoped that they would ignore him, but he reminded himself that hope was pointless, and that the world would decide what would happen to him. This was something that he couldn't control.

So, he walked pass them trying to ignore what was happening around him but there some words that he can't flush out no matter how hard he tried to daydream his worries and demons away.