The Mind of a Kactus

Entry #5

Hey everyone,
      It's been awhile, huh? Sorry not sorry. I've been busy. Anyway, I figured I would tell you guys the story of how I met my guy best friend. It's quite the tale if I do say so myself. Here goes nothing.

      I met (I'm gonna call him Joker because he is obsessed with The Joker) Joker during the seventh grade. We were in the same math class and never really talked to one another, like at all. I was going through a lot back in the seventh grade, so it's probably a good thing.

     Fast forward to the eighth grade, I apparently hated his guts. I don't remember this, but he says that's what happened so I guess I'll believe him.

     Fast forward again to theatre class my freshman year. We were doing a duos activity where we had to act out a scene we picked from a hat or something like that, anyway, we weren't in the same group. Mind you, I thought Joker was  hella attractive, but I would never admit it to him because well, he doesn't need a bigger ego. Anyway, I was talking with my group mate about the scene, I use my hands when I talk and I was super excited about it so my hands were flying everywhere, right? Right. I'm generally not good with knowing my surroundings or if people are coming towards me or not and I can assume you know where this leads to. Joker was walking by me and I didn't notice so I flung my hand out to the side and kind of smacked him in the stomach. Me being me, immediately apologized like a million times and him being him acted like I just stabbed him. And that was the start of our friendship.

     We both ended up in the school play together, so, from being in class and hanging out for play rehearsal, we grew pretty close with one another. I didn't really talk to him much during school besides during the one class because his girl friend didn't want him to be friends with other girls. I respected that and generally avoided him. I was also mad crushing on him too, so I decided it would be better for me to suppress my feelings and whatnot.

     Fast forwarding like two weeks later, he tells me that I'm his "theatre sister" and I was like dang, that kind of hurt. But I was okay with it, I liked being just friends with him. So it didn't hurt too much.

     Fast forward to the day of our final show, I'm just a mess. I was putting my all into not breaking down into tears in from of everyone because I was just dealing with stuff on my own that I shouldn't have but was too stubborn to ask for help. So, about ten to 15 minutes before the show started, my walls broke and I started balling my eyes out. Joker was there and he comforted me with a hug. He was the only one I let touch me in that moment because I just felt safe in his arms. Oh god, that sounds super cliché. Later, he told me he felt honored that I would let him hug me.

     Fast forward a few weeks and it's Winter Break, it was really late at night and he and I were just texting and I all of a sudden got this surge of courage and was like, "hey, I use to have a massive crush on you" and sent it to him. He read the message but didn't reply for a little bit, which freaked me out. The next thing he said really surprised me. He was like, "really, I use to have a crush on you too, I just didn't think you liked me back". (At this point he is also no longer with his girlfriend). So, that's how we both started talking, ya know?

     We went on a date to the movies, he put his arm around me, it was great. At this point we weren't dating, just like testing the waters, if that makes sense. We both had a good time. Then school started. Me being the person that I am, got really weird about being around him for some reason. I honestly don't know why. So he and I decided that we would just stay friends because we were also both dealing with some stuff in our personal-personal lives and just decided it was best to just stay friends. We both also agreed that if we have feelings for one another in the future we would try to actually be a couple.

     Now, it's  June and school has ended. We both dated other people and that was that. He is still my best friend and I still have feelings for him. I also just found out he is moving to Colorado. So, I don't think I'm going to tell him my feelings. I don't know yet, I still haven't decided.

Bye for now,
     Kactus