~ As children, we tend to think you could probably die from holding your breath for too long. Just take in a deep breath and don't breathe out - just to hold it. Silly children is what we were. The brain forces you. it forces your body to breathe when it gets to about 40% oxygen deprived. Well, something like that. But I'm not here to talk statistics. But what I want to raise awareness of is the fact that I'm pretty sure every child at some point tried doing it, you know the whole hold your breath until you die thing or some other way that we thought we conflict harm upon us. But why, oh why would we do that id we had the idea of bringing death upon us? We were just children right, with no better thoughts on our minds? ~
I wake to the sound of my alarm going off for the long day ahead. I'm in no rush to get to school though. I know I should probably be studying and trying hard since I'm a senior but I really just don't don't care. My grades are actually pretty good for when I do actually try.
I lazily thrust my arm over to my phone and pressed the snooze button. For some reason I can almost feel butterflies in my stomach. Like I'm nervous about something, but really I'm not. I actually hate that nervous butterfly like feeling. Today will just be another normal school day : I'll show up late, slack back and probably get a detention or sent down to the office.
I want to just lay here and sleep for eternity and never wake up again. But It's like my Dad checks up on me every two seconds. I think it's because he scared that I'll run away like my Mum did when I was little. He shouldn't greave over her. She wasn't a good person like Dad. Mum was a little messed up in the head though. Anyways as I was saying, Dad is afraid of losing me. He has already lost the little girl I used to be that would play dollies all day but he is going ot have to accept what he has now. A teenager who hates the world and everything in it and doesnt even know who she is.Speaking of Dad, wonder if he is home. Probably is already down at the police station, I'm pretty sure he has an early shift today.
If I can't lay here all day and sleep, I'd rather think. But thinking doesn't always do you very good. Sometimes I'd rather not think at all. Thinking brings back memories and unwanted feelings. Sometimes, I think it would be better to feel nothing at all. To be emotionless, to be numb. being numb means I would have no feeling. That would mean I wouldn't enjoy my talks with Cooper and when he wraps his arms around me when we walk. I wouldn't like it whenhe called me 'Babe'. I think I would miss feleing those things, bu then again, If I had no emotions I wouldn't feel that longing and ache of his touch. But sometimes, I'd rather not like the way he feels and the way he laughs.
