Pure (Ereri)✔

5

Wasn't it supposed to get better?

This isn't better.

The ground shined darkly in the alley. But the stains were everywhere. So filthy, but yet satisfying. She couldn't bother him anymore. I lifted the rock again. Then I pierced her skull. She let out a last groan, as I watched her brain splatter the ground. My lips twisted into a smile, and I couldn't stop laughing.

It all came crashing down again when I saw our house.

I just killed someone.

And not only someone. I killed my friend, who I'd sworn to protect. When I looked down on my hands I saw blood. It was real this time.

Do I really have the right to live?

Everything was drenched in blood. It stuck to the walls like paint.

I did this.

Yet it didn't stop.

The need to kill was too overwhelming, but this time the blade was aimed against my own throat.

Not worthy.

Who else would protect him?

Since when did I get the right to choose who should live?

But they hurt him.

I have no right. He shouldn't mean this much to me. I'd grown obsessed with seeing him smile. But he needed me. He couldn't lose another person.

I'm not worthy to be in his presence.

Somehow he've remained pure, in this otherwise filthy world. It's not the fact that he innocent. It's the fact that he keeps hoping, keeps dreaming even after the world was exposed for what it was. He did what so many else failed to do. What I failed to do. To remain clean.

The knife was no longer pointed at my throat. Instead it rested safely in my pocket. Waiting for someone to get rid off.

My eyelids fluttered open.

Another dream.

They only got worse, screaming at me to get rid off the danger.

One more.

Then I could rest. I could take it. I could do this. 

But he couldn't.

Not after losing so many people. Armin was all he had left. I couldn't do this. It didn't matter that he could hurt Eren. Because his lack of presence would hurt him even more.

I made a promise to myself that night.

As long as no one made a move to hurt him, I wouldn't hurt them.

Things had changed.

At some point the thought of being unarmed became unthinkable, and now a knife rested safely in my pocket. However my promise remained. I wouldn't hurt him.

I'd taken full custody of the two, which felt weird since they were only a year younger than myself. It had been the obvious thing to do. The thought of being alone with the voices... I couldn't let them take control again, but there would be a time where I wouldn't be there for the boys.

I needed them to be strong.

So the daily laps wasn't only for me and Eren anymore. Now when I forced Armin to come with they became slower, but they made Eren come out from the house.

The blond boy refused to be a burden so he pushed himself, further than I'd ever thought he'd accomplish.

I started smiling more.

And I realised it was because of them.

Because of how proud I was.