As soon as I turned around I started crying again. When I got to my car and sat in front of the steering wheel I lost it. How someone could cry so much was totally over me, it was fucking unbelievable. I had to wait before driving, there was no way I would go out on the road like that. Plus, it had started raining too. The car was parked in front of the house and I hoped with all I had that Jeffrey would go inside through the back door and not see me.
I leaned my head against the seat and cried my eyes out. That was probably the last time I'd see Jeffrey and I couldn't take it. It hurt so much. He didn't want to talk to me anymore, he was probably so angry at me that he was starting to hate me. I was crying so hard that I barely heard the door to my car open. The cold air hit my face and before I could make anything out I felt two big, warm hands grab mine gently. I didn't have to look up to know who the hands belonged to; I knew them too well.
''I'm so sorry'' I whispered as I continued crying. I was afraid to look at his face, afraid to see the sadness in his eyes. He shushed me softly before bringing one of his hands up to my face to wipe away the tears.
''Look at me'' he whispered, finally. I sighed and I looked at him, thinking how his eyes looked so sincere and beautiful in any state, shade and emotion.
''I'm sorry'' I told him again, feeling like a broken record. He was already wet from the rain and I felt bad, so I got out and stood in front of him, letting the rain soak me as well. ''Can you just forgive me?''.
''I forgave you a long time ago. Don't cry, please'' although there were rain drops falling on my face it was still visible that tears were still coming down my cheeks.
''I can't'' I said, feeling so helpless and vulnerable, but I didn't know why.
''Come'' he grabbed my hand and lead me inside. It smelled like home, if still felt like home. We sat face to face on the couch and looked at each other for a few long and silent seconds. ''Do you still want to be with me?'' he asked.
''What kind of question is that?'' I frowned my eyebrows, confused as to why he'd ask that; he knew the answer all the way, didn't he?
''I don't know'' he looked down.
''Do you still want to be with me?'' I asked back, afraid of the answer. He looked up at me with beautiful eyes and nodded his head. ''Are you sure?''.
''Yes'' he replied shortly. He was never so silent and it scared me, though it was more frustrating than anything. I just wanted him to talk more, like he used to. I wanted him to tell me everything on his mind; if he was mad, if he hated me, if he wanted to break up with me – anything.
''I can come back another day if there's anything left to talk'' I prepared to stand up.
''No. Don't go'' he said quickly and I leaned back against the couch as I looked at him. ''Please'' he finished.
''I need you to talk to me, do something'' I had stopped crying at this point, but my heart was still pounding insanely against my chest.
''I'm sorry, I should talk more, you're right'' he got closer to me and I felt like it was the first time we were so close to each other, like it was our first day and he was making the first step. ''But I don't know what else to say. I guess I'm just afraid to fucking lose you''. Fuck, it got right to my heart. I'd die for this man. ''I'm sorry you had to see that. People like that are fucking disgusting and I'm so fucking sorry, I can imagine what you felt when you saw...that''.
''Thank you for understanding. It felt like the whole sky crashed onto my head. But you're a good man, a fucking angel for that matter'' I said and he chuckled for a short second. He fucking chuckled and I thought I would die because it had been a while since the last time it happened.
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''I'm no fucking angel but I'd never do anything like that to you'' he said as he looked right into my eyes, sending shivers down my spine with his handsome face.
''I know. I'm sorry'' I looked down at my hands as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Noticing the ring, I couldn't stop wondering if he still wanted to get married.
''Hey, sweet girl'' I felt his fingers grab my chin gently as he lifted my head up. ''Look at me'' I did as told, his face so close to mine that I almost lost my breath. ''It's been a horrible month, hasn't it?'' he asked and I nodded my head.
''It's been horrible. Probably the worst month of my life'' for some reason my eyes had started watering again. I didn't want to cry anymore, I had to hold it in ''Do you, uhm...Do you still want to marry me?'' it finally came out.
He looked at me as if I said something shocking, something out of this world. ''I never stopped wanting that. It's either you or no one'' he grabbed my hand and held it tightly.
''I can't wait to be your wife then'' I smiled at him, to which he smiled back.
Leaning closer to me, his other hand grabbed the side of my face and I leaned into it. I longed for his touch, I needed it so I could feel that he was there with me for real. His face was so close to mine that I could feel his breath tickle my lips.
''I love you so much'' I whispered before our lips met in a kiss I had ached for for so long. The whole world fell away. His lips mingled with mine in a sweet, passionate and comforting kiss that I never wanted to end. The warmth of his mouth made all my worries evaporate, making me live in the moment. It felt so good to kiss him after a month of thinking that I would never be his again.
''I love you more'' he told as we broke the kiss, my forehead resting against his. His thumb caressed my soft lips and his eyes followed the action. ''Forever''. Forever.
