ME

What I know about my mentality

Despite all my flaws (my short temper, my procrastination, my general lack of motivation to do things and my childishness...and those are just the things that I am willing to admit about myself) I like to believe that I am a well-rounded and grounded individual. Sure, I tend to ignore my family and close friends and try to help every beggar and hobo on the street (until I see them smoking or drinking, then I cut them off or invite them to church...and then never see them again so same thing in the end). Most definitely, I don't form emotional attachments to objects (I figured this out when I got robbed and apart from grumbling a bit I just moved on, and easily at that) or people outside of family (I mean I have friends, but I won't be world ending sad that they are gone, a little lonely but not sad....at least most of the time).

The few things that should worry people about me is my numbness to death and a few other things, but that is neither here nor there.

Now, my mentality. This is one of the few things in my life that I know is a little skewed from the get-go. I mean I help random strangers on the road without hesitation but if we have a prior relationship, I hesitate to help you, but everyone does that, I hope. But after looking deeply at myself I realized the root of my problem: I want to make an impact in the world so I ignore those who I know I will have time to make an impression on and instead focus on those who are fleeting at the very most in my life.

So yeah, that was a depressing conclusion to come to regarding the way I interact with people, so I dug deeper and found another odd quirk I have: Those that I was forced to interact with I tend to distance regardless of who they are and the friends I make myself I am closest to.

This may not seem odd to anyone but how many people are distant from their cousins and siblings simply because you had to know them (which I am working on and can hopeful fix all the bridges I broke). Yeah, I may not be special, or I may be a unique soul, but this is my story, so I am the main character and am the special one.

This leads to my final or penultimate point depending on how much deeper this introspection goes, my childishness. So, this is only a problem to you if you need to spend large amount of time with me in a casual setting, so I can fake maturity for school and work. Now, this doesn't mean that I am a sugar-high brat that can't be serious, far from it. I am one of the deepest thinkers I know of and I have actual opinions about the way the world works that people my parents age agrees with. The thing is, I prefer cartoons and anime to news and sport, I only care about politics and the world when I am directly affected, I prefer thinking about and sometimes acting out ideas and fantasy over trying to "grow up" and I would make a joke rather than deal with a serious situation. Many don't know that because when it comes down it I can "mature" fast and people tend to get whiplashed when I do so.

Finally, at long last, the verdict: I am a slightly arrogant, introverted person that prefers to make my own friends and attachment, even over family, that wants to change the world but most of the time doesn't feel up to it who enjoys holding on to the last visages of my childhood but can get rid of it when the situation calls for it as well as making occasionally bad jokes, and I'm really good with kids between the ages of 2 and 8, mainly because they don't annoy me as much adults do (but they are still annoying in large doses, I guess I am not ready to be a parent yet). Which is a good thing I think.