Welcome To My Mind

Welcome To My Mind Story 1

My Mind:

Sometimes... I wonder if I'm too much.

Sometimes... I wonder if the world would be much better without me. Of the disasters I made. If I wasn't here, people would be much more happier.

Second Mind:

No worries if someone is going to ruin your life, or annoy the heck out of you until you want to slap her so hard and put her into a hole where she falls, and falls.

Her Mother's Perspective:

Her mother doesn't even like her sometimes. Sometimes, her mother wish she was never born. Sometimes, she wishes that she could get rid of her. Or either strangle her to teach her, and to show her how much misery she had put into her mother.

She had lied to her mother, stole from her, and even went behind her back many many many times.

As far as her mother is concerned, she doesn't even feel sorry, and doesn't even care.

My Mind:

But I do...

Popular Group Perspective:

Even the popular girls don't even like her because she is anoying, and is stupid. She is ugly too. Nobody really wants to be around her.

My Mind:

I came from hard times. Not meaning to sound, you know, whatever they call it. My father isn't even in the picture anymore. He never helped me, and has another family. Nobody knows where he is, as far as I'm concerned. All I think is that he is never going to help me.

I can't even focus, my Mind is everywhere. It's never settles on important things like school. I'm practically failing middle school. But, who are they to care? I'm just a someone who is failing education out of millions and millions and millions of students in the world. Nobody is going to do anything about that. As far as I'm concerned, nobody would even care if I fail at life. There's many, many people out there. I'm just a drop in the big, wide, ocean.

But I. Can't. Focus.

I can't.

I'm running out of time. There's just not enough time for me to get everything done in time.

I panic, or I blank out.

Or just sulk about so much to do, and so much on my mind.

There's only so much I can fit in my head.

I forget so much.

Sometimes, I wish that I could drop all my worries, and start over again. Like, not having to worry about my worries, and catch up in life. I know only limited things, for some reason.

I want to be, someone else.

Her Mother Perspective:

She's probably stupid. But then again, she probably is.

All she does is sleep and be lazy all the time. She's failing her grades. She is such a rebellious teenager. All she does is talk back, and lies about things. Such a clump.

My Mind:

I always try to talk to my mom, and make her understand why I'm like this. But she doesn't want to hear it. All I want is to be heard. I'm silent. Nobody listens to me at school. So I just keep my mouth shut so I don't look like a fool looking like I'm talking to myself, when I'm really trying to talk to people. People only listen to the popular group. They don't give two s** about a random girl talking.

So, I try to keep my mouth shut, and stay in the shadows.

Because I'm afraid I would be judged. But the truth is, I hate it. I hate being alone. I hate having nobody to understand me, and listen to me. I hate having nobody to be by my side when I'm sad.

I have all these feelings of saddness, lonely ness, and anger hidden inside. But who do I show it to, if nobody wants to listen?

One of these days, I might just lose control and scream. One of these days, I might go insane.

Second Mind:

Ha. Who are you to care about her? She doesn't deserve love. She doesn't deserve to have friends. She deserves to be alone. But even that would be a privilege.

My Mind:

And maybe your right. Maybe I don't deserve love? Maybe I don't deserve to have friends?

Maybe I don't even deserve to have a life?

Sometimes, I think those thoughts.

Sometimes, I think I might, just might be enough for someone to finally except me.

But at the end of the day, I only end up failing and disappointing myself.

Did you know, words that you say, have a power to it? Like, if you say "I hate you", or "I don't like you", or other hurtful words, it can really stick to someone's mind?

Those words can stick to you, and hurt other people whether you know it or not.

That's why they say; "think before you speak."

If you heard someone say that phrase,

Their damn right.

Second Mind:

Oh, shut up, nobody is going to care.

Things can be forgotten. People aren't going to care. Let them learn from their selves. They'll understand one day. Or never.

Mothers Perspective:

"Think positive thoughts."

My Mind;

How can I think positive thoughts...

When I don't remember any?

Mothers Perspective:

"You lie all the time, you think anyone is going to believe you? You think I'm going to believe you?"

My Mind;

*silent with heads buzzing with thoughts of a million replies*

Second Mind;

Maybe she should really give up. People would not have to worry anymore.

My Mind;

How can I give up, when I don't want to?

Second Mind;

Let's face it. She has been in depression for over 6 years.

Her mother didn't even know about it until recently.

Nobody really pays attention to her. Nobody is going to care whether there's a girl in a corner, sobbing, crying out for help. Wanting attention she never got. People look at her as a toy. As a thing they can play around with, but yet she'll never get hurt. That she doesn't have feelings. Truth is, she hides her pain to look strong. To look like she is not weak. People who are weak are easier to hurt.