Welcome To My Mind

Welcome To My Mind P3

PART 3

Second Mind:

Because people don't want to see her.

People don't want to notice her.

My Mind:

I try so hard to maintain myself,

Pretend that the stuff people say to me doesn't bother me. But that's only asking for more torcher.

I don't know what is better: to be silent, and people not notice me even more, or be loud and annoying.

I say I don't mind it.

I do mind it,

but I say I don't.

Sometimes I stare into space thinking about the past.

Mothers Perspective:

"You always live in the past, live in the moment"

My Mind:

But I have so many regret in my past. I hurt practically everyone I've met.

I try to stop myself. I just forget to maintain myself and, I just, let that wild side free.

And people get hurt.

Sometimes, I'm scared of myself. Scared that I would let that side free without no mind at all.

Scared that I would just get up and scream and throw and break everything I can touch.

Like I'm losing my mind, like I forgot to think.

I envision these scenes so well, I think they actually happen.

There so real looking, I actually believe it.

And I look around if anyone saw that.

They didn't. I'm so happy they didn't.

The worst thing about being invisible is that when you talk, nobody seems to hear you. You just want to be heard so much. At first, it's ok. It's no biggie. But then throughout the years, you lose your mind, and words never heared that were so important. It's almost like being muted.

Sometimes, I cry. I cry because it just falls out.

Wanting so much to be payed attention to, but no matter the amount of effort you put in, from working your arce off, you just give up. Give up hope that there will be any change.

Then, to the prosses were you don't want to really care anymore, because nobody seems to care.

Why should you give your full kindness and attention and time for something you wouldn't be given back?

Second Mind:

People don't want to care because she doesn't care.

Nobody knows about the wild side, and if they knew, they would completely stay away.

When she looks around, maybe here and there people wonder what's going on in her mind.

But, again, she's just an object. Something useless and not much to care for.

Some people say they don't talk to her because she doesn't talk to them.

When she cry's, people ignore her, not even realizing how much that hurts even more.

Nobody goes up to her and help her feel better and give her a shoulder to cry on. And if someone does come, they don't stay for long. She has never had a shoulder to cry on.

Some people thinks that she acts that way because she wants attention. Useless attention, waste of time.

My Mind:

But the truth is, I do care. I do care when others are sad. I'm always their shoulders they can cry on. I'm always there asking what's wrong. I'm always there when they want to rant about something. I'm always there to fix their problems.

I don't see anyone doing that for me.

I sometimes think that I'm not going to care anymore because it's a waste of my time and kindness to give something if there's nothing for me to get back. So there's this empty part of me, but I still give. And give. And give.

I sometimes look for someone who feels the same way.

PART 4 will be continued on feb 29 2019