It's Just Life

Facing Reality

It had been three days since I saw Ashton and I was bored out of my mind. His endless pictures of the new baby made me want to have company and I found myself missing his smile. He sent me a group shot of all of them, the baby in his lap exited look on his face while the fresh mother sat on the hospital bed in the backround with a relieved expression.

"They named her Charlotte, Charlie for short. Miss you, we'll come back soon :)" I smiled melancholy at the text and lifted my head up from the screen of my phone. Today definitely had not been my day, and seeing Ashton so happy with his family only made it worse. I should be happy for him but I couldn't help myself. He was with his family. His family which loved him, which took care of him. I didn't have that. I haven't heard of dad for days as well as haven't seen Linda Adams. I avoided my house like a life ending plague, not wanting to repeat events from last week. Instead, I tried to occupy myself by trying to find a job. I went to five different places trying to get something, even a part time, but all the places were full. Summer workers were quicker than me and took my potential spot, I didn't even have chance to begin with. To be honest I wasn't that worried about getting a job, I had some money left. I could make it over a month, 2 in the worse case scenario. I had also payed the hotel room for another 2 weeks, I couldn't believe it as I looked at the bill and the date I signed in.  Summer vacation had started less than 3 weeks ago. It felt like a lifetime.

I sat down on the curve of the street after exiting an other place with a disappointed bang of a door. 6th place. Full. Full full full. Everything is full. I sighed to myself and looked up at the sky which was covered in grey clouds, sun looming behind them trying to break free. I twirled my hair around my finger lowering my gaze to the concrete, carelessly watching leaves whirling against it as wind blowed them around. I was going to give up soon, this seemed pointless. I would have to come back another day and try again. After leaving my hair alone I wrapped the black sweater I was wearing tighter around myself and placed my acient bag to my lap. I fought the zipper open and took my phone out, not bothering to close it. After couple minutes of randomly scrolling through twitter watching cute dogs get scared of different sounds a new notification popped up.

"1 New Message, Tap To Open" It was from an unknown number, I couldn't even see the digits.

I instantly knew something was wrong. I could feel it.

I had the prison's number that dad was in, I had all the numbers from my old friends in NY, I had even my old boss' number. Maybe it's a wrong number. It probably is. No reason to get worried. I uncertainly decided to just go for it, opened my phone and read the message not expecting what I was about to read.

"Hello, this is Linda Adams from the Social Services, pinpointed to Child Servises department. I sent this text in hopes that you reseve it more likely than a call and prefer to communicate this way. I'll just cut straight to the business. This complication between you and The Child Services is getting both ours and yours powers and patience. So to reveal some tension I am proposing a public discussion. Just you and me. There will be no other people from The Social Services than me, and you have the right to leave at any point if you like. We can discuss your current situation and think together some sort of solution for it.

Address:

Cafe "The Deck"

1064 Pittwater Road, Collaroy

Time: Friday, 14.30

I hope you find it in your top priorities to show up and work this out like adults would.

See you then."

My mind seemed to have completely stopped working, except for the text to repeat itself like a broken record in my head. She... she had made a proposal. She had asked me to come and talk to her. Discuss my "Situation". I knew the cafe that she was talking about, it was only 20 minutes away on foot, 10 by bus. I had no idea if she was speaking the truth. Is that really something they can do, just let me go whenever I want? Or can she just forcefully take me to her car and back to New York? I painfully needed some answers. She definitely saw me running away, so she knows that I'm confused and maybe easy to manipulate into a trap. My thoughts diverted to the previous situation we saw each other. I don't think she knows who Ashton is. She'd be knocking on his door already, plus she would need a picture for identification which I don't think she had time to take. So Ashton was safe. But what about me? Should I go and maybe risk my future? Should I not go and risk the chance of seeing my father for a very long time? All the questions turned my mind into a herd of bees, the buzzing irritading my ears. I could go insane hearing those voices, whispering the darkest nightmares of my mind and creating pictures of the worst case scenario. Dad would go to jail. I'd be sent to a youth prison. I'd never go to college. The phone dropped to the ground leaving my hand hanging in middle air. College. School. My eyes widened as the words repeated themselfs in my head. How can I be so stupid? How can I be so unbelievably stupid? I resisted the urge to pick the phone up and throw it as hard as I could into the concrete. I have school. Linda Adams knows for 100% where my school is. This was completely pointless. All of this. The running, the hiding, the stampede of thoughts, was for nothing. She knows where my school is. I'm not ruining my life for this. I'm not ruining my education for this. I slowly got up completely defeated. I wanted to cry. I'd have to go and meet Linda Adams. I'd have to let her take me and bring me back to New York, with or without her wanting so. I'd have to face the consequences of what I've done, of what I had avoided. I had to face the reality. I picked up my phone and bag while slouching across the road, not caring about a cyclist who almost ran me over. He cursed at me about getting off of the road before disappearing around the corner, the screeching tires making me feel the coming head ache. Friday. That's the day after tomorrow. I'd have one full day of Sydney, of Australia. I aimlessly roamed around, letting my feet bring me wherever they wanted. I felt completely, utterly defeated. There was nothing I could do. I took a deep breath and tried to take a mental snap shot of what was ahead of me. Long pavement with different shops and restaurants on both sides, their colorful commercials trying to catch my attention. Park could be seen further away and I slowly still in mild state of trance wandered to its direction. After a while I stood before it, looking at the massive gates in front of me. Some of the letters of the big sign above me had worn off making the text say "Wel om    To The  ark Of Th C ty". It was my park. The same park where I had visited almost everyday. Where I had met Ashton countless times. Where I had swung on a swing feeling more alive and free than ever. I entered and looked for a place to sit -maybe for the last time- when my eyes caught a familiar figure. There, on the bench, was Marty. The bum who I gave my Burton hoodie. The only one who had listened to me when no one else had. He was smiling, his eye sockets less visible than the last time I saw him. He was wearing my hoodie, hands in the pockets and sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I smiled in joy momentarily forgetting my situation and started to walk to him, almost getting run over by children who were jumping off from the swings. At least I had a chance to talk to him. For the last time. I had almost made it to him when he noticed me, the smiled deepened and he instantly took my hand in his as I got close enough.