It's Just Life

Hope Isn't Always Real

"Okay?" The police officer asked with quiet uncertainty as I emerged from the toilet. I hadn't bothered to wiped my cheeks from the tears, you could still obviously see that I had cried. For a long time. Good that I didn't wear any make up today. I silently let the cop retake the tender hold of me and guide me through the long halls. The room where dad stayed in soon disappeared down the hall, leaving my mind for good. I didn't have the energy or the sanity to think about him. It didn't matter. I was going to jail. That was all that mattered.

The cop slowed down and halted me into a stop. Wordlessly he opened a thin wooden door with his keys and guided me in. A white blank room with only a table and two chairs occupied the space. Fresh smell of paint lingered in the room, making me want to take a deep breath.

"Here is where you'll be staying for couple of hours." He didn't offer any more information, instead left the room leaving me alone to stare at the wall. In other situation I would have asked about a new lawyer for dad and me. Or of dad's condition. Or Aiden's. And about Ashton. I would have asked about him, but the words hadn't left my mouth. The thought of telling him about this made horrible images of events play in my mind, but they didn't really enter my thoughts. It was like I was watching a rain from a window inside my house, congratulating myself that I wasn't outside getting wet. I realized that I might be in mild state of a shock. Oh well. I can't do anything about that. So I slowly drew a chair from under the table and sat down. I resumed back to staring at the wall.

"Sid!" Ashton yelled as he bursted into the room. I hazily lifted my forehead couple of inches away from the table where it had stayed for the last two hours. It took me a while to fully raise my head up to look at him. As soon as I could I got up and ran into his arms with new found strength, not caring about the small stagger step he took as my weight crashed against him. I knew that he could feel me shaking -from horror or relief, maybe both- but didn't say anything, just circled his arms around my waist.

"I'm sorry I took so long, they made me fill up forms." Everything was strangled up, I hadn't really thought about where he had been, I had thought about prison. I had thought about the ways to tell him that all this was going to end. That I would go to prison, not just dad. I didn't know how to start, words felt like glue in my mouth. I still knew that the moment was here and I had to have the strenght to do it.

"Ash...everything is wrong." He separated us and wiped my cheeks, where the streams of water continued to run by. He gently cupped my face with his hands, oblivious relief reflecting from his eyes.

"We'll get through this. They are gonna let you out and..."

"No Ash. They're not gonna let me out." He stopped moving his thumbs, but his hands were still placed on my cheeks.

"What?" he asked, quiet and confused. I couldn't help but let another wave of tears fall from my eyes. Then I said it.

"They're gonna put me in jail Ash. They're gonna put me in jail." He froze, arms still on my cheeks and his frame so close that I could feel him by moving an inch closer. He didn't seem to grasp the words that came out of my mouth.

"What?"

"I am going to jail Ash." His posture seemed to shrink down and he let go of my face. Slowly his hand started trembling against the table, which after couple of seconds turned into violent shaking. At first I was going to ask him to take his ADHD pills but refrained from saying anything. He didn't let the silence last long as he pressed his hand into a fist slightly reducing the shaking and quickly hardened his face. I could still see fear streak through from his eyes.

"Why? Tell me." So I told him. What dad had done to Aiden, why he had done it. What Aiden had said, what I had done. What might happen, what might not. After I got done the air seemed to freeze as if the temperature had dropped 20 degrees. There wasn't a single noice heard inside the room. If I'd strain my ears I could possibly hear police officers walking by outside but that wasn't on my list of priorities at the moment. I held my breath as I looked at Ash. His facial motions hadn't changed a bit, even though I could still see him trying to control the shakiness of his hand. There was certain level of disbelief reflecting from his eyes as he seemed to process my words. After a long silence he spoke, his voice streaked with silent hope.