When The Blossom Falls

Chapter 6

Cheryl's POV

My mother was right. I spent all my life questioning her hatred towards me but in reality..she was right all along. I am loveless. I always feel like a burden to others, others being Toni since she's basically my only friend. And who do I have to blame for that? Myself, and only myself.

I don't understand why so many people fear death. It is finally a chance to escape the true horrors of this shitty world. And IF heaven does exist, I bet they're all looking down at each and every one of us and feeling somewhat happy that they're not involved in this shitty world anymore. Finally free.

That's what I think about as I sit on my favourite rock, right next to Sweetwater River. The place where I tried to kill myself. Isn't it weird how my safe place is the place I nearly died?

If anyone was able to read my thoughts, I bet they'd think that I was exaggerating just because my crush rejected me. So what? Happens a lot in life. But no, that's not why I'm feeling like this.

Veronica's rejection just made me realise how fucking lonely I am. And not just relationship wise but also friend wise. Without Toni, I'd be so alone and I won't be living, I'll just be..existing. That's why she's so important to me. Because without her I'd be nothing. 

I mean..I already am nothing. I am so self destructive. But not only to myself, but to so many people. I hate hurting people. It makes me feel like shit once I realise what I've done and yet why do I keep doing it? To escape.

I know I'm a fuck up and as much as I try to become a better person, there's always something I do and ruin everything. I ruin everything good in my life, no wonder I've only got one friend.

I want to apologise to every god damn person I've hurt. I want to scream 'sorry' at the top of the highest mountain and hope that somehow someone would hear and better yet..if it's someone who's been affected by my destructive behaviour.

I didn't even realise it had started raining since I was so caught up with my thoughts. There's a saying that your mind is your worst enemy, and I've never agreed with anything more. Ever since I got in my car, I've been crying non stop and I have no intention of stopping. For some people, they think crying makes you weak but in reality..it doesn't. Sometimes after a few hours of sobbing, I feel so much..lighter.

I wipe away a few tears before I hear a rustling in the trees and my head snaps back to see who this intruder might be. Can't have a moment of peace can I?

I wait a bit more until I see a familiar flash of pink hair and before I know it, Toni's appearing and walking straight towards me.

Oh fuck. How did she know I was here? Actually scrap that..of course she knows. This girl knows me better than I know myself.

"Hey.." Toni said as she finally approached me and gestured to the rock "May I sit?"

I nodded, watching her as she sat down on the rock next to me and turned to look at me with probably the saddest look I've ever seen. Great. I've hurt her too. I seriously don't do anything in this world except destroy everything.

"Are you okay?" Toni's voice breaks me out of my thoughts and I look up at her again.

Am I okay? Good question. Very good question.

"There's no point hiding it from you since you're my best friend so no..I'm really not. Veronica rejecting me only made me realise that my mother was right Toni. Who in my life has loved me except Jason, you and..Heather? But two are gone and now I've only got you..and who knows for how long until I mess up and you finally decide that you've had enough and leave me for good?" 

I watch as Toni shook her head and tears brim in her eyes. "No. I can't believe you're even allowing yourself to THINK that I'd ever leave you. You mean so much to me Cher and out of everyone I know..I love you the most. There's no one who comes before you. No Jugheads and no nothing. Sometimes you've just got to take a step back and think..whether people actually hate you as much as you say they do. The problem with you Cheryl is that you overthink so much to the point where you start jumping to your own conclusions. But the reality is..I'd never fucking leave and I really..really love you." 

Tears spill down my cheeks freely as I tightly wrap my arms around Toni and rest my head on her shoulder.

"I love you too Toni. You're the only person who saw the real me and broke through the facade that to this day..I still put up to everyone except you." I say pulling back to look at her, and realising how closes our faces are. But I didn't care. It's not weird and it's not like we're gonna kiss. "You are unique Antoinette Topaz. You are so different to everyone else and words can't describe how much I appreciate you."

Toni attempted a smile as tears streamed down her face and she quickly wiped them away before looking up at me. "Fuck, I'm supposed to be a gang member. Stop making me so soft." She chuckled and I grinned nudging her playfully.

"I didn't make you soft..I just helped you realise you are."

Toni nodded, smiling brightly as she pulled me back into her arms and honestly..I've never felt so safe.

Everyone always says how arguably the most heartbreaking thing ever is ending a serious relationship. But no. That's not true. Because friends are the people always there for you. Boyfriends and Girlfriends come and go but there's nothing better than being with your favourite person/people in the world and being there for each other. Making each other happy.

That person for me is Toni. She's basically the reason why I get out of bed every morning and she's the reason for my smile. Not Veronica. Not anybody else but Antoinette Topaz.

I love her.

A/N: Okay I know this is a seriously deep chapter but honestly I kinda wanted to put some of my thoughts in and express them through Cheryl's perspective. But honestly I enjoyed this chapter and it's probably my favourite and I really hope y'all enjoyed it too. Until next time ♥