Doki Doki:Dusk to Dawn

Chapter Four

I woke up the next morning having gotten, at most, maybe three or four hours of broken sleep. I couldn't shake that dream and I still haven't been able to. I tried going on my phone but what with me having basically no social life at all, that did not last long. I tried to get back into a book I've been reading but I couldn't concentrate and I was not taking any of it in. Having exhausted all my other options, I headed for the shower to try to wash it all away. 

I tend to think more clearly when I'm in the shower. I have never been able to figure out why that is though. As I let the water run down my body and flow into the drain as gravity has its way, I begin to think again. 

Why is that dream coming back to me now more than ever?
Why do I feel like that person is someone important?
Why do I feel a connection to her?
Where in this world could she be?

That feeling of yearning has not left since I woke up nearly 3 hours ago at this point

I dreamed about her from last night's dusk to this morning's dawn. 

I don't love her. How could I? I don't even know her. Maybe it's some weird form of admiration? I wasn't even with her for two hours though. 

It's a loop that keeps on repeating. I keep thinking about it, asking myself these questions over and over and I get this weird feeling in my chest that I'm not sure I have ever felt before. It isn't love, I know that much.

I want to know more about her.
I want to talk with her.
I want to see her!

Or do I?

I already have enough going on right now! The last thing I need is more emotional baggage on my plate. I'm moving school and I might end up possibly moving to the village if I need to which means I'll need to look for a job while trying to maintain whatever friends I can make, if I can make them.

UGH! I'm already going down a rabbit hole of thought. Thinking about this sort of thing for a prolonged period of time really is not healthy for me. 

Also, I've been in the shower for five whole minutes, which felt like an eternity by the way, and I haven't even begun cleaning myself yet! I will be killed if I use all the hot water. As I began washing, finally, I tried to imagine myself scrubbing the thoughts of this mystery girl away. I also tried picturing myself placing a barrier of sorts on myself from her. It is the most stupid thing, I know, but although it might come across as me being superstitious I just wanted her to get out of my head.

After about ten minutes of doing this until I felt numb in my arms, I emerged from the shower with slightly fewer thoughts of her but she was still there! I went downstairs to get breakfast before heading out only to find that both the cupboards and fridge were empty apart from some leftover soba. My head is a mess, my life is a mess and even my diet is a mess. This would normally have been where self-deprecating humor would come into play. However, it was almost as if the girl was jealous that my brain was about to think of something other than her.

Having been put off my breakfast by worries I might be losing my sanity, I left the house to head for the train station. Today is the day I go to familiarise myself with the village my new school is in!

I have not used public transport nearly enough to be familiar with the different routes and numbers. It's all still confusing to me. The best thing to do in this situation is to ask around and see if there is anyone who can help.

As I made my way through the station asking people, I felt a presence. I'm not quite sure what it is. At first, I thought nothing of it. I thought it was a breeze that might be sending that slight chill down my spine. It could be my anxiety flaring up again but I've done this before. It isn't my first time. Maybe it's the fact that I'm going to a new town? The next train leaves at eleven and it's already ten-fifty. If I don't find my way soon, I'll have to wait even longer. I don't have anyone to meet on the other side but I'd rather not lose any time regardless.

After searching for five more minutes and finding no other passenger who was willing to help me, I gave up hope. I'll just go home and check the place out another day. I'll have to research the timetables and find out how the system actually works. If I go home too early though, my grandparents will find out and I do not need them to be worrying about me again. If I can't go home what will I do? There's only so much I can do in this stupid small town without running into someone who knows me. 

I can't do that.
I don't want to.
They'll make fun of me again!
I deserve it but that doesn't make me feel any better about it!

I can feel my body prepping the exact same way it always does. My heart is pounding in my chest, my breathing is quickening and becoming shallow and I can't focus on what is in front of me because my eyes are darting around the place trying to see if there's anyone else who wants to judge me. 

Maybe I am going crazy!
There's no point in even trying to work on something like this.

Without even realizing it, I had sat myself down on a bench so I guess there's that at least. I just need to try rationalize everything and calm myself down. Getting hyped up here will not do me any favors but I feel like my head is about to explode! I always end up going into my own world when I find myself in a situation like this. Is it a defence mechanism? Who knows? I don't question it. Whatever will happen will happen. It's like I go deaf and blind momentarily. I felt that presence again and it brought a bittersweet feeling this time. I felt as though I should be sad for some reason but I couldn't tell why. All I do know is that it brought me back to my senses. 

However, what came next was like a permanent miracle cure for my temporary disabilities. I will never forget the words that would dispel the fog that had ensnared my mind for so long because they were the words I had always wanted to hear. Just knowing someone cares, even if it is only for a second, even if they are a complete stranger brought to me a sense of relief I will never be able to convey with words. 

"Are you okay?"

Brick by brick, word by word, my walls were being torn down.