Tricks Of The Trade

Chapter 7 - Peppercorn crazy motherfucker

"Mph..." I grunt. My band's cover of Mrs All-American by 5sos blasts around my room. My phone screen flashes and Finn's name shows. I unwillingly pull the soft covers from my head and stretch over to my bedside table.

"WALK MY WAY

MRS ALL-AMERICAN-

"Hello?"

"Lib she's buying peppercorns"

"What the fuck?" I furrow my eyebrows. I just woke up. "What's with the shouting?"

"She's buying 13 jars of peppercorns!"

"Who?!"

"Grandma you twat" He snaps.

"Don't shout at grandma like that Finn!" I snap. I hear him sigh through the phone. I can picture his scowl.

"No! I mean grandma is buying the peppercorns and your the twat"

"It's too early for this shit" I grumble.

"Lib it's 2 in the afternoon" I blink.

"Excuse me if my neighbour decided to play rock music and hang out with his friends in his room all fucking night and I didn't sleep at all" I snap.

"I just can't keep her under control!" He shouts, clearly in a panic. "Lib we're at Walmart, please help!" I sigh about to respond "Sure-"

"GRANDMA THAT MAN IS NOT A STRIPPER POLE NO-" the phone cuts off. I run a hand through my hair, standing up.

And of course it's up to me to fix the problem AGAIN. I should be getting paid for this shit. I get ready, throwing on a white tank top and jeans adding a peach necklace around my neck. I take down my ponytail, letting my hair fall over my shoulders in loose waves. I add a little foundation and mascara and pop my phone into my purse before slipping on my peach vans and slipping downstairs.

"Mom I'm just going to-HOLY SHIT" They jump apart, both blushing furiously. "EWWW MOM! DAD! STOP MAKING OUT IT'S GROSS! YOU GUYS ARE TOO OLD FOR THAT SHIT" I whine. My mom giggles like a schoolgirl and my dad pulls her close. "Lib we're married what do you expect?"

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

"I expect to be able to walk around my own house without my parents shoving their tongues down each other's throats!" My dad chuckles. "Please" I plead. "I don't want anymore siblings.." My dad opens his mouth to protest, but before he can say anything, I make my escape, almost running to my car.

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"Hey Finn! Mom and dad were at it again.." I shiver at the memory. His eyes go wide "Oh..u-um hi Libby.." He waves awkwardly. I frown. "Finn." He gulps. "Yeah..?"

"Where's grandma?" I ask sternly, crossing my arms over my chest. He rubs the back of his neck. "I uh..." I stare at him expectantly. "I-I may of um...lost her" my eyes go wide in panic. Shit! "But I only turned around for a second I swear!" He rambles. Holy shit no! "You fucking idiot! Do you know what she's capable of by herself!?" I squeal, my eyes frantically scanning the aisles for my crazy grandma. "Oh Jesus" I mutter, running a hand through my hair.

"I called you here to help me! You're more used to her than I am!" He frantically looks to me for help. "Umm.." I think about the situation. What did she do the last time I took her shopping? I remember she-"ATTENTION WALMART SHOPPERS!"

Her voice booms through the speakers. My eyes go wide and Finn and I look at each other frantically. "Fuck!" I curse.

"I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW." Her voice continues. We are in deep shit. "YOU'RE ALL WHORES! I HATE ALL YOUR FUCKING FACES SCREW YOU!" I facepalm. "CAN WE HAVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE CASHIER AT CHECKOUT NUMBER 18! HE IS BANGABLE!" She squeals. I hear her cackle. "HI FINN HI LIBBY!" My cheeks burn red. "THANK YOU FUCKERS FOR LISTENING!!!" She finishes with an earsplitting "WOOOOHHOOOOOO"

The speaker cuts off. Holy Shit.