Unfold

Chapter Thirty-Four (34)

She laid still, her eyes tracing the ceiling. The same ceiling she had opened her eyes to after the night she'd never remember. The panic that tore her from her sense of logic, the fear of the unknown. In a matter of days and nights, she would wake up in the same place, having experienced a lifetime in a matter of months, and everything would be changed.

She could feel it now; God had always been meant to be experienced outside the four walls of the church. In everything. In her every breath, in her every thought. After experiencing the unthinkable, she knew she needed to be broken before she could be made whole again. This morning was only the beginning.

Her bare feet hit the cool wooden floor of Shawn's bedroom. She pushed the hair out of her face, and turned towards the mirror. Her cheek bone was purple, her eyes swollen from the tears. She looked old to herself, and she supposed she was. It was as if a new person staring back at her.

She slowly opened the door. Looking down the hallway, she could see the lump on the couch that was Shawn's body. She felt her eyes sting and she couldn't help the gratefulness of all he had done for her.

He alone was a miracle. God's gift to her; the vessel to helping her find the way back home. She had never experienced a love like his from another person; his forgiveness, patience, the way he challenged her. He fought for her, pushed her, and he was the prime example of what love was supposed to be. Just a minuscule earthly glimpse of what God's love was like.

When she walked into the family room, he stirred and sat up instantly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, sitting down on the edge of the couch next to him. "I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."

"No, no," Shawn said, rubbing his eyes. Still half asleep, he reached out and caught her wrist, gently pulling her down to the couch with him. She laughed as she laid down and he wrapped her up in his arms.

"Thank you," Jean said, closing her eyes. "For all you've done for me." 

"I'm so thankful you're okay," Shawn mumbled, his voice tired. "I have never been more terrified in my life."

"Do not fear," Jean said. "It's biblical."

He sighed. "Jean, I feel partially responsible."

She turned around in his arms so she could look at him. "Shawn, you can't go everywhere with me. You got to stop beating yourself up."

"No, not that," he said. "After what you told me last night about Jesus being there with you." She watched his jaw twitch as he shook her head, pausing before going on. "At Zeiler's wedding, I knew you were in the beginning stages of seeking Jesus. I prayed that night that Jesus would do whatever it took for you to know him."

His eyes turned glassy and he sat up. "I never knew what you'd have to go through to get there."

Jean sighed, sitting up with him to look him in the eyes. Her own eyes were burning at just the thought of the fear she had experienced. She knew she was going to have some long days and nights ahead of her. "You know me though. I tend to run away from things I don't understand or things that are, you know, good for me."

She took a deep breath. "I'd like to think there would be a different way for me to come to know God. But after what I went through...the fear I felt..." She couldn't find the words to explain what she had experienced. She waited until the lump in her throat passed. "The only thing greater than that fear I felt was experiencing what God was capable of."

She pressed her forehead against his shoulder.

"You know, it's like that verse that makes no sense. Be happy in your hard times or whatever? Because it grows your endurance?" She laughed to herself. "I get it now."