In Times of Destiel

Dean has always loved Cas. The angel who pulled him out of hell. The angel who believed in Dean, even if he didn't believe in Cas. His angel who was always there for him. In times Dean was hurt and broken, Cas healed him. In times Dean didn't believe in miracles, Cas made Dean experience miracles. In times Dean was confused, Cas showed him the right path. In times Dean was alone, Cas was always there and listening.

Dean didn't want to go on a hunt with Sam. His little brother insisted that he needs something to distract himself but even a hunt wouldn't help Dean. As soon as Sam went out of the bunker, Dean grabbed the whiskey bottle and sat down at the table. He drank right out of the bottle.

Last week. That's everything Dean could think about. It was a big mistake and it's all my fault. He thought over and over again while he drank more alcohol. After hours of drinking and self-blaming he finally got up and dragged himself to the bathroom. He filled his hands with cold water, splashed it in his face; then he saw his reflection in the mirror.

I'm such a stupid son of a bitch. I could have helped him goddamn it! He thought as he looked angrily at his reflection. It was all my fault that Cas died! I should have rescued him. Dean got angrier and angrier. He gripped the sink so badly that you could see his white knuckles. He was full of anger and rage, he was shaking. He was angry with himself that he never told Cas how much he loved him. Fuck I really should have told him that. Maybe it would have changed his mind not to come with Sam and me to hunt down that demon. I didn't know he had an angel blade. It's all my fault. I should have held him back.

Dean felt tears running down his face. He was so angry. He will never see his Cas again. Cas's gone. Dean hates the world and himself that he can't bring back Cas. There was no way he could return. He's dead.

Dean looked again at his reflection in the mirror. He saw tears. Red eyes, tired eyes. The whiskey bottle in his hand was empty so he threw it away. He heard the glass hitting the ground and winced. Again a look in the mirror. The tears were gone, there was only rage in his eyes. Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his right hand but he couldn't see why because everything went black.

Dean's eyes opened slightly and he could hear a voice yelling: "Dean, I'm back!" Pause. "Dean? Hey come on it's 3 pm you can't be asleep now!" Dean heard footsteps getting louder and he could see a silhouette that must be Sam. "Oh god, Dean! What happened? Are you Alright?" Sam lifted Dean up from the ground lying in thousand of glass splinters and little pools of blood.

"Sam? Sammy?" "Yes, Dean I'm here! What happened, do you remember anything?" Dean remembered everything that had happened before he passed out but he would never tell that to Sam even if he hates lying to him. "No, not really. I must have passed out." Then he felt the pain in his hand again. This time he looked at it and saw that his hand had cuts all over it. He looked at the ground and saw all the glass. "Sammy, what happened?" "It looks like you punched the mirror" Sam said and pointed to the broken mirror.

Dean felt Sam helping him up and guiding him to Dean's Room. He laid his older brother on the bed and searched for the first aid kit. After he found it he cleaned Dean's hand and bandaged it. "Come on Dean. There must be a reason why you broke the mirror. Is it because of Cas?" "Yeah." Dean said quietly. "Hey it's okay. Cas is now in his own heaven. He was there to protect us. And that's what he did. He loved you Dean, I'm sure he still does." Sam said sadly. "W...what? Cas, he loved me?" Dean asked almost tearing up. Sam coughed "Yes he once told me but he said I shouldn't tell you." Dean lied there smiling and crying at the same time. "Now get some rest ok? I'm gonna make you some soup." Sam said getting up. "Thanks Sammy."

He loved me - He LOVES me

In times Dean loved Cas, Cas loved Dean