Rebel's Revenge (Completed)

06 Pain

I am not like my sister in anyway, one failed class can't amount what she has done. Or maybe I'm worst. I am not anything she says I am, I not a bully. Or maybe she is right. I am neither a monster nor a horrible person. Or maybe I'm the worst monster imaginable.

I knew how to make it go away. It worked the last few times. It can get all of the bad thoughts to go away. Whenever I think of what my grandpa did, whenever I think of the words my sister has used to describe me, and even when I become jealous of the dead.

I don't have much time to do what I need to do. Hurrying, rummage through my bag to find the sharpest thing I brought. My keys catch my eye, metal with sharp ridges. Quickly, if the others girls come back they won't see me, I hide in the hotel room's bathroom. I lock the door and pull up my pants above my knee. Pushing it into my skin I drug the key. The moment I pressed it into me it hurt but I knew that I deserved the pain. I repeated the motion twice more before I saw blood. The horrible thoughts were gone as if they were trapped inside of my skin. With a clear head I realized what I had done, I had broken my promise not to hurt myself for the forth time. How was I going to tell him, he doesn't want me in pain.

I cannot do that to him anymore. I know that I should stop, but also know that can't.

She can not get to me anymore. She had recently moved out of grandma's house, and she can't get to me. But she still does. In the dark hours my mind will let the bad thoughts slip through. Everything she had taught me. I do not matter. Maybe to the right people I will be more than enough. I will never be good enough. I can be good enough for myself. I am a bully. I doesn't matter who I was, but rather who I am. I am stupid. I have always tried my best, and I have gone further in my math classes that she ever attempted. I am rude. To the people that matter, I am never rude. I am annoying. How can I be annoying if I have always tried to hide in the background. Nobody can ever care for me. If I can learn to care for myself, that is all that matters. I am ugly. I am perfect in my own way. I am easily replaceable. The people who mace decided to replace me have lost out.

But no more. I will learn how to keep her out. I will learn to shut out the bad thoughts. Then I will live a life so full of happiness that she was hate me because I'm happier than her. I will not care about what she thinks, and yet I will give her something to be jealous of.