Two Heartbeats on One Page

Chapter 3

Jordan had never felt as alone in his life as he did that quiet Friday in the early, early hours of the morning. Terrence was in the apartment, too, but in the living room. He'd stopped by to hang out and apparently decided that a few romantic comedies and a little bit of chocolate meant he needed to stage an intervention. Jordan had gone through two films already and was on his third, Practical Magic, which was just like his life because everything sucked and he was not allowed to love anybody ever. He was cursed to be alone for the rest of his life so he might as well just stay in his room and drink wine forever. Except, Jordan didn't drink, because if he combined alcohol with his emotional instability it would only lead to disaster and regret. Instead, he had his chocolate, a five pound bar he was originally breaking pieces off of, but he'd given that up and was now just gnawing on it like a hamster with a chunk of wood and holding it against his body like it was his only friend in the world.

Terrence was on his phone, still in the other room, and Jordan could hear his text message tone – 'you've got mail!' – sounding over and over and over. He was probably calling Mandy to come intervene, but Mandy wasn't even their friend. She was just a cohort, so why would he want to get her involved? But he didn't know who else it could be.

Jordan thought he heard the front door open over the movie. He definitely heard it close. Terrence did call Mandy, the fucker.

"Tell her to go away!" Jordan wailed. He couldn't be bothered trying to hide how distraught and pathetic he was.

"Fucking rude!" Terrence shouted back. He appeared in the bedroom doorway with Iffy trailing nervously behind him, and suddenly, Jordan felt like the most awful person that ever existed. Oh, he was an idiot. What a great way to talk to someone he was crushing on. Even though it wouldn't go anywhere, she was still his friend.

"Sorry, Iffy," Jordan mumbled around his chocolate. "I thought you were someone else."

"It's okay," she said. She was clearly unsure about why she was there, and Jordan felt the same way. He snapped off a piece of chocolate from an untouched corner and offered it to her.

"Want some?" he asked softly. "This part's not gross. I haven't chewed on it or anything."

Iffy took it hesitantly, turning it over in her hands as if to make sure he was telling the truth, then slowly took a very small nibble. She pushed it into the corner of her mouth with her tongue and talked around it while it melted.

"So, hey," she said gently. She reached out. Her hand hung hesitantly in the air for a moment before she patted his knee twice. "What's going on?"

Jordan sat silently a few moments, staring at the movie, chewing absently. Iffy waited. Then, as if from out of nowhere, the loneliness and sadness kicked him right in the chest and he sobbed, "I just love everybody so, so much, but nobody ever loves me back!"

Iffy tilted her head and furrowed her eyebrows, obviously confused but also relieved to think it was nothing serious, but she had no idea. It was so serious. It was the most serious fucking thing. Jordan had loved so many people and almost all of them didn't care or never knew in the first place or took advantage of it and used it as a way to treat him terribly or get things out of him. He had friends, and they were wonderful friends, but it was different. Friends were easy to make and communicate with. Romance was totally different and it was confusing as hell. And despite knowing he didn't need romance to make his life complete, Jordan couldn't help but want it, anyway.

At this point, it wasn't even about Iffy and Nate anymore. It was about being alone forever.

"I," Iffy squeaked. She turned to Terrence and they gestured vaguely but wildly at each other a few moments. "I mean," she started again, turning back to Jordan, "it's good to love people, right? You're a really caring, loving person, Jordan. That's awesome! That really, really is! We need more people like that! All your friends think you're really awesome, or they wouldn't be your friends! Terrence obviously cares a lot about you; I mean, he called me over because he thought I could help you feel better. And I came, right? Because I care a lot about you, too."