Two Heartbeats on One Page

Chapter 40/The End

Time passed, as it always would, but slowly. The hours dragged, the days lasted forever, and the weeks could have each been a year of their own. But even so, August was coming, and Darcey and Jordan's first year anniversary was on its way.

"I have school that week," Darcey had said when he realized it was approaching. "I can't get out there."

"I'll come out to you, then," Jordan said. "I'll come in Thursday, and we'll have Friday and the weekend together. Then I'll head home Monday. It's okay if we can't celebrate on the actual day. Just make sure we can Skype for a while."

Darcey grinned. "Can do."

He smiled so much more, now. Darcey had never been a dour person, he'd never had a negative attitude, even with all of the problems he'd had to wade through in Phoenix. But New York and the CIA were doing wonders for him. His smiles were easier, brighter, and so much more frequent. He laughed easier.

It wasn't easy being in a long distance relationship. But it was worth it.

August came. Jordan's first visit was humid and rainy, but warm. They crammed more into that three day visit than Jordan could have imagined doing in weeks, they went to New York City and Times Square and saw all the beautiful places and things, and Darcey showed him all the hidden gems of restaurants in his town, like where to get the best pizza and which vendor had the best falafel. For those three days, everything was just like it had always been, and everything was perfect.

It was December. Darcey and Jordan still talked daily, but neither were going to be able to get together the money or time for another visit until at least February of the next year. The days grew shorter and cooler and the hours of darkness grew ever longer. Darcey occasionally texted snapshots he'd taken of drifts and snowed in cars and buildings. Jordan's moods hadn't been quite as stable as they had been when Darcey was still there, but it wasn't until winter truly hit that they got worse. His outbursts became more frequent, more emotional, harder to quell, and it was terrifying. He isolated himself from his friends, everyone except for Iffy and Terrence, who understood, who had seen it and knew what to expect and what to do, even if they couldn't help.

"Vince, I don't know what to do."

Jordan and Vince had been talking for hours, going around in circles and always ending up back in the same place: Jordan needed therapy. He clearly couldn't manage his problems on his own anymore. But he still couldn't afford the two days a week of specialized group therapy everyone had suggested, and he was not going back to anybody one-on-one.

"I don't know, Jordan. I wish I had an answer. But if you can't afford the specialized therapy, one-on-one is your only other option."

"Maybe I could find a group or something." Jordan's eyes darted over Vince's, a computer screen and a country apart. "Not specialized to my problems, but just, like, coping and shit in general. Because I sure as hell can't keep going like this. I..." His voice caught and he slammed his hand down on his desk in frustration, curling it into a fist and bringing it to his forehead. "Shit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Jordan. I mean... do you know anyone who's gone to therapy who could recommend someone to you? That seems like the best place to start."

Jordan bit his lip and lowered his hand.

"I know one guy."

The time passed, slowly and quickly and slowly again, and finally, in mid-January, Jordan asked Darcey, "Hey, what was the name of your old therapist?"

Darcey's eyes came back from the book on his desk. "Why?" he asked. "Is everything okay?"

Jordan's hand curled over the back of his neck. "I just... my mood swings are getting worse. Like, a lot worse. I can't handle it by myself anymore." His voice cracked, embarrassed. Darcey's face softened.