Underage

[48] Only You

[48] Only You

Magnus is my one true love. It's decided. It's final. He'll be the only man I'll let myself love from here on out. Love only brings heartache.

The pup is gnawing at a bone, twice the size of his head, but he loves it. It takes him hours to eat and keeps him occupied when I find myself with the sudden motivation to do something artistic.

Not that I've felt that familiar feeling settling on my skin for a few days. I've stared at canvases, at paints and colors and brushes, but there's been nothing I've wanted to paint. Nothing I've wanted to create.

Instead, I keep staring at the blinding emptiness of a blank canvas. I think of all the possibilities, all it could be, but find myself without the motivation to change it.

Maybe that's me accepting defeat.

He leaves in three days. Early Saturday morning.

I push the thoughts away and kiss the top of Magnus' head.

For the next three days, we barely have time to be together. Family dinner is tonight. The Shaw's and Michaels together for one last dinner. No doubt plagued with interrogating questions and bragging assumptions. Ethan's being tucked away inside his house for all of tomorrow. All day, his mom told him, because he needs family time before he leaves. Which I understand.

It's also why all of his things that were once folded and stashed in my dresser, or hanging in my closet, are now packed away in boxes. Large brown pieces of cardboard that have Ethan's name sprawled in capital letters on every side. As if he was shouting to me that he was actually leaving. As if I didn't already know, or wasn't getting the hint. The boxes are still in my room to serve as a constant reminder.

Friday is the party. The last day we'll be together for a long time.

I wish we could reverse time, take us back to the beginning right after graduation when things were going according to plan.

Now, my heart is slowly cracking, piece by piece, and nothing can slow it down or stop it altogether.

There's a quick knock at my door before someone's pushing it open. Grace is smiling at me as she closes it behind her. She's holding various Walmart bags in her arms that she drops onto the table in front of me.

"We haven't had time together in forever," she says. "I know you're trying to have a romantic goodbye with your boy, but how dare you forget about me."

I roll my eyes, but smile when I see all the chocolate and popcorn she brought. "It's a two-way street."

"Yeah, yeah." Grace dumps the bags of candy on the table and makes her way into the kitchen to put the popcorn in the microwave. "Now talk, you've been ignoring my calls for two days now."

"I wonder why."

My best friend plops down onto the couch beside me and places the bowl between us. Magnus lifts his head up from the bone and stares at the bowl now inches from his face. He looks up at me and then to Grace and lets out a low whine. I chuckle, grabbing a single piece and setting it by his face. He doesn't hesitate to take it, before returning to his bone.

"Don't be so sarcastic with me," she says. "Tell me about it."

"I'm just upset," I shrug my shoulders and shove a handful of popcorn into my mouth and then a snack-sized snickers. "How do I go about practically living with the guy to not seeing him ever again."

"You're going to see him again. Don't be stupid."

"You should know better than I do how break-ups go," I tell her. "I'll cry for weeks, watch sappy romance movies on replay. I'll start school and barely be able to concentrate on what they're saying. Fail some classes, get a lecture from my parents, and when he does come back. If he comes back at all. I'll avoid him like we've done to all of your ex's."