Four x Eric

I Want To Be Beside You Always

He leaned back onto the couch, his eyes trained up on to the celling, the soft light making shapes with fuzzy edges on the white paint. Without the already dull ache in his skull, Four still wouldn't really know what to say. The first thought he had was that he was an idiot. How long had Shauna wanted to do that? Had she tried to give him signs? Thinking back, he had noticed that she acted weird, but he never thought of her being interested in him like that.

Her face came back into his mind. Surprised, hurt, and tears in her eyes. Another pang of pressure came to his chest. Seeing a friend like Shauna, so brave and reckless in pain like that was hard. What should he do when she comes back? He wanted to hug her, take care of her. But he really couldn't, could he?

Shauna came back holding a cold pack. Her face was distant, but more put together. Her eyes were red and puffy though. Four could tell she had been crying.

"Here. Your probably tired, you should get some sleep." She said curtly, handing Four the ice pack and turning away.

"hey wait." Four pressed the coolness to his head. He really wanted to talk to her. He didn't want her to go to bed like this. "Will you sit with me for a bit?"

"What? Are you afraid of the dark?" Shauna tried to joke. Four knew she was just trying to act like nothing happened.

"No. I want to talk to you." Four's voice was firm. He knew that this was something that couldn't be blown over. Shauna stopped at the door, back to him, for a moment. Before turning and walking back over. She sat cross-legged against the couch by his hip.

"How long..." Four started.

"I don't know. Since initiation? I never saw you before that. And I always liked you." She wouldn't look at him. She was curled up, arms around her legs pressed to her chest. Four was taken aback. Had she really liked him then? He was never aware. Everything felt like a lot and he laughed. Shauna smacked his arm, she looked hurt.

"Sorry, I'm just so fucking dumb."

Shauna sighed, slumping back against the couch. "What can I say. You grew up a stiff." There was a beat and Four couldn't see her face, but he felt like she was crying again. He hesitated before moving his hand to her shoulder. Her warm skin was shivering. "It's just... it's just I'm so fucking dumb, now I messed this up."

You didn't mess anything up. You just miscalculated. I... and I still want you around. I really, really want you around." He didn't want to think about what life would be like if Shauna suddenly ducked out of it. It would be like losing a sister.

"You do?" Her voice cracked and Four knew for sure then she was crying." God, I sound awful." She wiped her face with the heel of her hand.

"Yes, I do. You are one of the best friends I've had. I don't know what I'd do without you. I don't want that to change." Four thought about what it would be like without having Shauna as a friend, without her at meals or get drunk with. He would really miss her.

"I don't want it to change either." She sounded soft. So, unlike herself.

It was quiet from then on, they kept talking for a while, before Four finally fell asleep. It was restless, and only lasted a few hours before he woke up. Shauna had left him a note on the end table, telling him she was gone for work. The apartment seemed empty, and his face felt numb. He was feeling better than yesterday, and he could walk with only a limp and wasn't going to black out any time soon.

He left, chugging a glass of water before making his way back to his apartment, taking back halls and quiet stairs so no one would see him in this state, bruised and clothes torn. His body ached as he went up the dark crowded stairs, trying not to think about what happened a few hours earlier in a place just like that. He would think about it later. It occurred to him that he was spending less and less time in his solitary apartment. He had spent more time sleeping at other people's places than his own. That made him fell happy for some reason, and that happiness made him forget the darker memories from the night before.