I'm A Mess - Ed Sheeran
Oh I'm a mess right now, inside out....all of my hopes, all of my own words are all over written on the signs, but you're on my road walking me home.
-
In this lifetime, music is so important. It helps us relax, it makes us happy, and it makes us cry. We can relate to so many songs, and there are so many songs out there, songs that we can all relate to with our different emotions at the time. We get so excited for new songs that get released by our favorite artists, but why? Music speaks when words can't, or so they say. Music makes us feel complete; it gives us a sort of closure.
That is why I want to do this. I want to be the reason people stay up until the early hours of the morning waiting for a brand new song to release. I want to be the reason people smile for no reason, feeling content with their lives, the reason people feel happy and loved.
And that's why I'm here on this stage, making my music, for everyone to listen to (even if it's only some at this moment). All that matters to me is that I make a change in the world, and impact people's lives; whether it is slowly or all of a sudden.
The last strum from my guitar echoed through small area, and the quiet applause sounded through my ears, making me just the tiny bit happier. I got off the stool, thanked everyone, and began to zip up my guitar in its case. Grabbing the handle of the case and my belongings, I walked out of Madhouse Café. It occurred to me that right as I stepped foot out of those doors, my small, maybe hour, of fame was over. My hour of making people at least the slightest amused was over; I was just another person in the crowd. It looked like my dreams will be arriving the slow way, but that didn't matter to me. In my head, it would all come around soon enough.
But it my head, things worked differently than they did in the real world.
-
Fifteen minutes of waiting had passed already. The same routine was in action, the one I did every day since the past four years. Eventually, a chipped, yellow-painted taxi slowed to a stop in front of me, and I climbed inside. After doing the necessities of riding in a taxi, I placed my head on the window, never speaking once after that. The ten minute car ride to my house was silent, and the driver stopped trying to talk to me five minutes into the ride, sensing I wasn't in the mood; and I wasn't. I was dreading it, just like every day.
As the soon as the old taxi pulled up in front of my house, I paid the driver and got out of the car. With long strides, I opened the door to my house, and just like every day, went straight to my room. Like every day, I freshened up and stripped down from my uniform and into my pajamas. But unlike every day, my parents were waiting for me at the bottom of the steps as I trudged down to have lunch. Sure, my parents showed affection, but the look on their faces at this moment made me feel uncomfortable.
I sat down at the kitchen table and took a few bites of my lunch, wondering if they really had anything to say at all.
"We have great news for you Brenda!" My mother spoke up, voice laced with excitement. I raised my eyebrows, awaiting their 'important news'.
"We applied you into UNLV for this year!" My father finished. The sound of my fork hitting the plate was the only sound that could be heard for a moment. All was silent, my eyes trained on the smiles on my parents' faces. As soon as the surprise came, it was replaced with anger. How do they still not understand, even after so many times I've said it, that I don't want to go to university?
"I cannot believe you guys!" I exclaimed, my voice sounded angry, my mind was clouded with disbelief. They both quickly stood up, frowns etched upon their faces.
"We are doing the best for you, we already enrolled you and until you get a reply, there's not a thing you can do about it." My mom told me sternly, crossing her arms. I stood up as well, practically fuming at my parents.
From a young age, I never even thought about going to university. Most nights I stayed up, facing my window, with the curtains closed. I imagined being a famous musician, touring across the states, the world even, playing my own music. I didn't think of the money, I didn't think of the time. I thought about my own happiness, and the happiness of others. I fell asleep with those thoughts in my head, and sometimes, the hint of a smile on my face.
But my parents always pushed those thoughts out of my head when I told them. It was always "get excellent grades, become a doctor, earn money." And I agreed, not wanting to get my parents upset, because I didn't know better; I didn't know what truly made me happy.
Though now, my patience was over. I knew what I wanted; I knew what made me happy. And this didn't make me happy. Being what my parents wanted me to be didn't make me happy. I had enough.
As abruptly as this whole situation started, I walked away from the table, my parents calling after me. But I ignored them, like every other day; except, this day made me more upset. This day was filled with more dread than every other day.
The tears slid down my face at the same time that I slid down behind my closed bedroom door. Doubt started to seep through me, and I wanted to get rid of it, remind myself of what makes me happy, but everything seemed to confuse me. Nothing seemed right anymore, my choices seemed ridiculous.
Every day I would come home to my parents wanting me to go and apply to university. Sometimes they would say it, and sometimes the look on their faces would say it. But this day was different. This day showed me that maybe I just couldn't stay happy. Maybe being happy was not intended for me. I wasn't sure, but I sure as hell went to bed thinking about the same things as I did when I was younger; only this time, there was no smile.
This time, as I fell asleep, the thoughts of escaping reality lingered in my mind.
~
Again, welcome to my new story! Hope you like it, will get more interesting as we go along lol
This chapter probably doesnt make sense (yet) and probs doesnt make sense in general but i finished it so ok
The first chapter is basically a filler I know but I just wanted to introduce the story a bit before I do whats intented?? Idk but basically the story starts the next chapter so stay tuned pls pls thx
Chapters will also get longer as we go along, so mind the short-ish chapters for a bit
Peace out & poodle pout ((doesn't rlly make sense but its now officially my goodbye))
Copyright © 2014 addy813xo
-Addisyn
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