More Than Anything Else (Tooru Oikawa)

Unfair

"Huh?" I respond, my voice almost a squeak. My mind reels at what he meant by that question. "I- what?"

"What would you say to us getting together," he repeats as if it was obvious the first time he said it as he shoves his hands into his khaki pants.

"Well- I... um..." I trail off as my mind spins.

Is he asking me out? Like to be his girlfriend? Wait, does he likes me? Like romantically like me?

I feel my face burning, and I refuse to look at the boy standing in front of me, too embarrassed. "I- wait Tooru-kun... do you like me?"

I hear him sigh as he stands in front of me as if he is fed up with something. "What a dumb question, Asu-chan," he mumbles as he bends down in front of me. His hands grab onto mine which are gripping the chain links of the swing making me look up at him in surprise as he leans forward and presses his lips to mine. My eyes widen as his mouth moves over mine, slowly. I feel a tightness in my chest as if someone is squeezing my heart. His lips are soft and actually feel really nice. He pulls away slowly and opens his eyes which stare directly into mine. "Does that answer your question?" Oikawa whispers, his face still inches from mine.

My body is rigid, my heart pounding so rapidly that I'm afraid it might burst out of my chest. I feel light headed and my whole body feels warm. My lips tingle with the shock and my stomach feels like a butterfly garden. I can't move a muscle as I stare into the brown eyes of the brunette I've gotten so close to in the last few months. This is the boy who helped me when I was a crying mess the first time we met. The boy who devotes his one day off to be with his nephew and teaches him and other kids how to play volleyball. He's passionate, caring, kind, a bit childish, but also wicked smart and cunning at times. He's been there for me, and I've been there for him. For months now I've thought of him as a good friend. A friend I can confide in and who will give me honest opinions and advice.

A friend.

But more than that? I've never thought of Oikawa that way. My heart has been so set on Daichi for so long, I never thought to look for another boy to like.

My body is stiff and I'm frozen in shock at what just happened. Oikawa steps back and straightens up, a nervous smile on his lips as he stares back at me.

"Well, what you do say, Asu-chan?" His question is soft and hopeful sounding. It makes my stomach do another flip as I try to form a response.

What do I say to him? What are my feelings toward him?

"Tooru-kun," I start, my voice wavering as I speak. "I-I'm... I'm sorry. I can't..."

The light in his eyes fades immediately and it makes my chest hurt. His lips form a troubled frown as he sighs. "Its Sawamura, isn't it?"

"Yes," I say, quietly. "Look, I've always been so focused on Daichi that I've never really thought about other guys, but what I do know is that I do really like you and like to spend time with you. You make me really happy, but-" I stop myself with a sigh. "Its not fair to you. It wouldn't be fair to you if I was with you, but still thought of Daichi. I don't want to do that to you."

"No, I get it," he says, refusing to look at me.

"Tooru-" I start.

"I'm sorry too," he says with a grimace. "I knew your feelings, but still put you in this uncomfortable situation. I just thought maybe, just maybe this once I'll finally be able to have something - someone - who I want most in the world, but I guess life is unfair to me like that."

I inhale sharply at his words. Who I want most in the world. That's what he said. Does he really want me the most? Out of everyone? What makes me so special? I'm perfectly average. I get decent grades, I played a sport, my height is average and so is my face. Why would a guy like him want me when he has so many other girls who would gladly jump at the chance to be with him?

Oikawa takes a deep breath and turns. "Takeru, it's time to go!" He turns back to me. "I gotta go. Thanks for everything."

"Wait, Tooru-" I jump up off the swing as he grabs his bag and jacket.

"Its fine, Asu-chan," he tells me, a sad smile on his face that makes me want to cry. "I get it. I'm not number one to you."

I have no response to his statement. I just watch him walk away with Takeru loping along next to him. As distance between us grows physically, I can't help but feel the distance emotionally.

I just stand there in the middle of the playground, tears silently sliding down my face.

Just how it all started, it ends the same way.

***

Dinner is quiet with only Asahi and my mother chatting about school, work and volleyball. I silently eat my chicken, poking it with my chopstick as I stare at my plate, deep in thought.

"Asuga," my mother calls to me. "Asuga!"

My head snaps up and I see her and Asahi looking at me in worry.

"Are you alright sweetie?" she asks me, concerned. "Is anything wrong?"

"Oh no, I'm fine," I lie. "I'm just not feeling well tonight."

"You're working yourself too hard again," she comments. "I love that you're so driven and dedicated, but you need to take care of yourself."

"I know, mom," I mumble. I stand up and grab my plate, putting it in the sink. "I'm gonna go to bed early tonight."

"Okay," my mom answers. "I hope you feel better tomorrow."

One can only hope.

I sigh and flop on my bed, face down and just lay there. You need to do your calculus homework, Asuga. I sigh again and sit up. I pull my worksheet out of my bag as someone knocks on the door.

"Come in," I say, clicking my mechanical pencil.

The door opens to reveal Asahi. He gives me a worried smile as he shuts the door behind him.

"So what's really wrong?" he asks me. "You were completely fine earlier today. Does your mood have something to do with Tooru Oikawa."

***

So yah. That happened. Also sorry for not updating in a while. Finals week starts tomorrow and I have 2 essays, a choir concert and 3 finals to do. I already had 2 finals last week and I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO SEE ENDGAME YET UGHHHH

But yeah I hope to see it on Friday when I finally get to move back home cause of course I have a final on the last day of finals week preventing me from going home earlier ugh.

Question of the day:
Does anyone actually read my end of the chapter rants??

It doesn't seem like it cause no one comments or answers my questions. I know like no one even really reads this story but whatever. It was still fun to write!

Until next time

Catherine