Damage

Chapter 26

“I promise, we’ll just be here for a minute and then we’ll leave.” Michael walks with his hands in his pockets and looks at me for reassurance - whether it’s reassurance for him or me, I can’t tell.

 I nod silently and we turn a corner that I don’t know. It’s Friday night and Luke normally throws parties tonight, but we’re still in Williamsburg and Luke’s in Manhattan so I feel a little more at ease than I would otherwise. 

“We can stay longer if you want, I don’t mind.” I don’t want him to feel like I’m a chore.

“No, it’s fine. I really don’t need to stay long, anyway. Just need to show my face then go.”

Michael’s holding a six-pack of beer in his hand and rings the doorbell with the other, leaning against the doorframe indifferently. I glance at the six-pack of beer and it suddenly hits me that Michael didn’t even have to use a fake ID to buy it, that these are Michael’s friends and like always, all be the youngest one here.

The door creaks momentarily and opens to a face I’ve seen before.

 Michael smirks. “So, I heard that there’s a party tonight and there’s gonna be good shit and I thought I’d drop by. I brought drinks,” Michael lifts up the beer bottles in his hand, “because I’m a nice guy, but I also heard that the guy who’s throwing the party is a dickhead with a father who’s this famous director and way too much money on his hands. Any way I could avoid him the whole night or - ”

He smiles. “Michael Clifford, you pretentious fuck.” 

“Ashton Irwin, you piece of shit.” Michael smiles and they shake hands before wrapping their left arm around the back of the other with their hands still clasped, slapping each other’s backs a few times in a hug.

“Been way too fucking long, mate.”

 “Shit, I know.”

“This is Mia.” I smile and introduce myself even though we’ve already met, silently pleading Ashton to not say anything about the last time we saw each other at Luke’s place with my eyes.  He smiles wryly, like he knows something I don’t, and wordlessly keeps the secret that could ruin me. 

“Nice to meet you, Mia.”

Ashton ushers us inside and towards the kitchen and the air is practically thick with smoke, a song by Talking Heads that I love playing loudly.  

It’s a few of the same people and familiar faces that I see at Luke’s parties but with a lot of different people as well, a different atmosphere and a lot more laughing. Less white powder on the coffee tables too.

Michael lights a cigarette and fills up a red cup talking with Ashton endlessly about junior year and that one time that they got high off their asses and sang karaoke with a bunch of people I don’t know.

Michael laugh is hearty and full, taking up the whole room and he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me close, his hands almost as drunk as he’s getting. He’s warm and his sweater is the color of earl grey tea and I’m so happy that I could stay here forever with his fingers resting against the rungs of my ribcage. But the position of his fingers is awkward and uncomfortable and doesn’t feel right, unlike the way Luke’s would slot perfectly and I don’t know what he and Ashton are laughing about and I feel so lonely I could cry, standing in a kitchen with an empty red Solo cup.

 “You’re a freshman, right?”

I blink twice and it feels like I’m coming up from underwater, but I smile anyway. It’s the first time I’m actually saying something since I got to this party. “I am.”