A/N: I am so sorry I haven't updated in forever...for those of you still sticking with me, I love you x
-Jill's POV-
Harry stormed out of the flat, leaving me alone with Liam. He stared after his retreating figure, questions and concern in his brown eyes. I tried my best to keep my face as impassive as I possibly could, not wanting to give anything away. It's not like Liam would catch on though, he was completely oblivious to everything. So oblivious that sometimes I wondered what was going on in that pretty little head of his.
"What in the world," He mumbled incredulously, turning back to face me, "was that all about?"
I shrugged my shoulders indifferently, no ounce of panic showing, "I honestly have no idea, he stopped by looking for a beanie or something, I guess he lost it," I fibbed, wracking my brain for something that I could use, something plausible. It wasn't exactly a lie, he had shown up looking for his beanie. Liam looked unconvinced, so I crossed the room over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, "I'm sure he's fine, babe, don't worry about him."
Liam looked down at me, into my blue eyes, as a smile began to form on his lips, replacing the worried expression he was wearing moments ago. He planted a light kiss on my temple, pulling me closer against his chest, and resting his chin on the top of my head, "I suppose you're right," He murmured against my hair, thankfully letting the situation go.
Behind his back, I tugged my sleeves further down my open wounds, praying that Harry keeps his promise.
I would put Harry in his place, lay down the law and show him who's boss. I wasn't about to let him hold my dark past over my head like the manipulative bastard the other boys had led me to believe that he was. I'd unleash my inner bitch, much like I did when I had caught a whiff of him debating on running his mouth.
I knew that I would have done it if Harry hadn't walked in, there was no doubt in my mind about that. The little blue and white pills were calling my name, I could hear them from across the room, "Jill, take me," they said, "Take me and end it all." So I tried, only to have my plan foiled by the curly haired ghost of my past. It seemed that he was always there at the right, or in my case the wrong, time.
Later as Liam and I fell asleep in his warm bed, his head resting on my chest as I sat up and played with his hair, I wondered about what he would have done when he saw me on his bathroom floor, lifeless and cold. I'd imagined it enough times, that's for sure. He would cry, and he would blame himself, only because Liam blamed himself for everything, even things that were beyond his control. Like this for example, my desperate need to terminate my existence. The thoughts that filled my mind were disgusting, but I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to them every chance I got. Living wasn't easy, and I doubted that it would change anytime soon. Even with Liam tagging along for the ride. And especially not with the stowaway.
I felt a small pang of guilt hit me as I caught a glimpse of his peaceful face, so far away in his dreams. He was beautiful, he truly was, and I knew in my heart that I didn't deserve someone like him.
Before I knew it, the clock told me that it was half past eight, Liam still sound asleep on my chest. I was surprised that he wasn't already up and about, cooking and chatting away with whoever would listen. He must have been exhausted from the past couple of days, finally taking advantage of his day off. I often found myself admiring that about him, his ability to brush off the bad things in the world and focus on the now. Meanwhile, I was busy trying to kill my demons of the past.
I somehow managed to slip out of his grasp, laughing softly as he mumbled something incoherent in his sleep. I covered his body with the comforter, tucking him in and brushing some of his brown hair out of his face with my fingertips, "Sleep tight, lovely," I whispered, crossing the floor and exiting the bedroom, shutting the door behind me in hopes that he wouldn't wake up. I wasn't exactly sure how I would get out of explaining my plans this time.
